#it's so heavy thinking about these heavy things so often. the intense desire to understand n be understood..

[astroeleanor]

The MOST Difficult Birth Chart Placements

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

DISCLAIMER

The descriptions of difficult placements are based on astrological teachings and are not definitive or absolute. It is important to remember that every individual is unique, and a natal chart should be considered holistically. Challenging placements can also present opportunities for growth and personal development. The purpose of this post is to affirm your life experience.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

8H MOON or 12H MOON

Having an 8H Moon means dealing with deep transformations & crises. This placement often brings you face-to-face with your deepest fears, traumas, and hidden desires. Every experience seems to touch you on a soul-deep level. Crises and intense situations are a part of your emotional journey, and they shape who you are in significant ways. It’s like life keeps pushing you to transform, to shed old skins and emerge anew, stronger and more resilient each time.

But this depth also means you carry a lot inside. Your emotional world is complex and layered, full of nuances that others might not easily understand. You might struggle with trusting people, afraid to let them see the raw, vulnerable parts of you. It can be lonely, carrying these intense feelings, but it also gives you incredible strength & insight into complex emotions others shy away from or suppress.

With a 12H Moon, subconscious struggles and hidden fears are brought to the surface. This placement may feel like your emotions are a mystery even to you, often leading to a sense of isolation or self-undoing (unless managed). Moon in the 12H brings your unconscious thought patterns to light, making your emotions feel elusive and hard to pin down–almost like trying to catch smoke with your hands.

You might find yourself wrestling with feelings that you can’t quite understand or explain. This can manifest in moments of self-undoing, where your unresolved issues pull you into patterns of self-sabotage.

It’s tough because your emotions are so deeply buried that it’s hard to bring them to light. But acknowledging these hidden parts of yourself is the first step toward healing. Learn to listen to those quiet, internal nudges and understanding that it’s okay to feel lost sometimes. Sit in the uncertainty, you will find the way.

CAPRICORN OR AQUARIUS MOON

Saturn-ruled moons often equate vulnerability with weakness, and this fear can prevent them from forming deep emotional connections. This placement can also symbolize having a strong sense of responsibility from a young age, therefore feeling burdened by the need to succeed and provide. Remember those times when you felt like you had to grow up faster than everyone else? While other kids were playing, you were already thinking about the future, about success, about PROVIDING. It’s a heavy burden to carry, and it can make you feel like you’re constantly walking uphill.

This placement means you’re incredibly disciplined, which is a strength, no doubt. But it also means you might feel an overwhelming pressure to succeed. You set the bar HIGH, and anything less than perfection feels like failure. It’s a relentless but exhausting drive, a need to always prove yourself, to always be enough.

Imagine carrying a backpack filled with rocks, each one representing a responsibility, a fear, a self-imposed standard. How much lighter would you feel if you could set that backpack down, even just for a moment? Vulnerability is a form of courage. It’s saying, “Here I am, with all my flaws and fears,” and still showing up.

SCORPIO OR ARIES MOON

Mars-ruled Moons feel things INTENSELY, but that can get overwhelming. For Scorpio, there's a push & pull, as you navigate through the intensity of your emotions or deep-seated fears. Trust is a big deal for you, and it doesn’t come easily. You’ve probably been hurt before, and those wounds run deep. It’s hard to let people in when you’re constantly bracing for the next betrayal or disappointment. You build walls around your heart, not because you don’t want to love, but because you’re scared of what might happen if you do.

Jealousy and possessiveness can creep in, adding to the emotional turmoil. When you care about someone, you care fiercely, and the thought of losing them can drive you to places you don’t want to go. It’s not that you want to control them, but the fear of losing them or being hurt again can be overwhelming.

This intensity is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it gives you a deep, intuitive understanding of others. You can see through facades and connect with people on a profound level. On the other hand, it can feel like you’re constantly battling with your own emotions, trying to find a balance between holding on and letting go.

You’re a warrior (Mars) in your own right, fighting battles that most people can’t even see. It’s okay to feel vulnerable and to acknowledge that this emotional intensity is a part of who you are. It’s okay to take things slow, to let trust build over time, and to find ways to soothe that inner turmoil.

Instead, Aries Moons feel everything intensely & immediately–your emotions can flare up quickly. Patience isn’t your strongest suit, so you might find yourself reacting before even having time to think things through, pointing to emotional burnout. When you get mad, you get MAD. Your temper can flare up in an instant, and before you know it, you’ve reacted without even thinking things through.Your emotions are right there bubbling on the surface, ready to explode. Of course, this can lead to misunderstandings and clashes with the people around you.

But here’s the thing, you also bring energy and excitement to everything you do. When you’re happy, you light up the room: your enthusiasm is contagious. It’s okay to acknowledge that this intensity can be tough to handle. It’s okay to admit that sometimes, you need to step back and breathe before reacting. Learning to take a moment, to pause and reflect, can help you manage those quick flares of emotion and prevent burnout.

1H SATURN OR SATURN CONJUNCT ASCENDANT

This placement can indicate that you’ve had to grow up fast, carrying a sense of responsibility that kids your age didn’t even think about. There’s this underlying pressure to be perfect, to always have it together, to be the rock for everyone else. In those moments when the burden feels too heavy, remember that it’s okay to put it down for a while. It’s okay to take care of yourself and to recognize your own worth, not just for what you do, but for who you are. You’re not alone in this journey, and it’s okay to ask for help. Carrying the weight has made you strong, but sharing the load can make you even stronger.

1H PLUTO

Power struggles, constantly re-inventing yourself & healing the deep issues that people usually shy away from, are a big theme for 1H Pluto. You might find yourself on the brink of change every 5 business days, asserting your dominance & affirming your power. There are moments when everything feels like it’s crumbling around you, and you’re left to pick up the pieces and start anew. It’s exhausting and can make you feel like you’re never truly settled, never truly yourself. But each time you rebuild, you become stronger, more resilient, and more in tune with your true self.

4H PLUTO

This placement can symbolize a tumultuous home life, where finding a sense of stability & security was incredibly difficult. These dynamics may have left deep emotional scars, making you wary of getting too close or trusting people too easily. Your home environment might have been complex, with unspoken rules and hidden agendas shaping your early experiences. Growing up might have felt like walking on eggshells, never knowing when the next emotional storm would hit. You know what it’s like to face the darkness and come out the other side. You’ve learned to navigate emotional depths that others might shy away from, and this makes you incredibly strong and compassionate.

VENUS SQUARE/OPPOSITE SATURN, CAPRICORN OR AQUARIUS VENUS:

You might feel like there’s an invisible barrier blocking you from truly connecting with others–but it's not that you don’t want closeness—it’s that you’re terrified of being hurt, of opening up and then being rejected. This fear can make it hard to let people in, even when your heart is longing for connection. You might find yourself questioning if you’re worthy of love. There’s this lingering doubt that no matter how much you give or how hard you try, it’s never enough. This can lead to a cycle of pushing people away just when they start to get close, out of fear that they’ll leave you first. It’s a defense mechanism, but one that often leaves you feeling even more isolated and lonely. These struggles aren’t just in your head—they’re real, and they’re tough. But recognizing them is the first step towards healing. It’s about understanding that this aspect of your chart isn’t a life sentence, but it’s a challenge to be faced and overcome. Remember, you are worthy of love and affection just as you are. The journey might be tough, but it’s one that leads to deeper, more meaningful connections and a stronger sense of self. Embrace your vulnerability, because it’s through facing these fears that you’ll find true, lasting love.

12H MARS

This can be a tough placement because it often feels like you’re fighting battles no one else can see. There’s a tendency towards self-sabotage, as the aggressive energy of Mars turns inward. You might find yourself in situations where you feel unable to express the intensity of your emotions or assert your power. You may even find it hard to assert yourself openly, leading to suppressed anger & frustration that festers over time. The key is flipping the script, and working on empowering yourself, healing self-sabotaging tendencies, etc. Your subconscious isn’t your enemy, but a part of you that needs acknowledgment and care.

4H MARS

You might have grown up in an environment where arguments & tensions were the norm, leaving you feeling constantly on edge, scared, or unsettled. This placement can make it hard to find peace at home, and you might struggle with feeling safe & secure in your adult life. Finding healthy outlets for your anger and learning to create a sense of security within yourself can help transform that destabilizing, Mars energy into something positive. It can help you break the cycle of conflict and create a home environment that nurtures you rather than wounds.

1H CHIRON

Chiron in the 1H feels like carrying a wound that no one else can see, but that you can always feel. It's a deep pain tied to your identity, that constant struggle with self-acceptance & stepping out of your shell. You might often find yourself second-guessing who you are, feeling like you need to hide parts of yourself to be accepted. It’s like wearing a mask, trying to be who you think others want you to be because being your true self feels too risky. Maybe you faced criticism that cut deep and left scars on your self-esteem. This can make stepping into the spotlight, or even just being comfortable in your own skin, incredibly challenging. But, as you work through your own pain, you become a beacon of hope and support for others. Your vulnerability becomes your strength, showing others that it’s okay to have wounds, to feel out of place and that healing is possible. In embracing your true self, flaws and all, you inspire others to do the same.

This is Part 1! Let me know if you want to see more placements and the difficulties they can indicate.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Thank you for taking the time to read my post! Your curiosity & engagement mean the world to me. I hope you not only found it enjoyable but also enriching for your astrological knowledge. Your support & interest inspire me to continue sharing insights & information with you. I appreciate you immensely. • 🕸️ JOIN MY PATREON for exquisite & in-depth astrology content. You'll also receive a free mini reading upon joining. :) • 🗡️ BOOK A READING with me to navigate your life with more clarity & awareness.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

[dsireland86]

SOUND BOOTH

The band has been working vigorously the past few weeks, making it difficult for you and Noah to have any personal time together. But you understand. Even went as far as getting him a little something and planning a special night together this weekend since Noah said it's some much needed time off. Getting to come see him and the guys at the studio is always a treat, and today is no different. But Noah is handsy and there is a deep need coming from him you're picking up on. It sparks the need and want in you, too and before either one of you can stop, want, lust, yearning, and desire take over both of you, stopping you from using your better judgement.

WARNINGS: LANGUAGE, SMUT, DESCRIPTIVE SEXUAL CONTENT.

TAGS: @lma1986 @foliosgirl @thefallennightmare @concreteemo

@like-a-omen @magnificentstrawberryomen @dravenskye

“I’ve got a spot for you right here, baby. Come here,” Noah says, patting his lap. He removes his headphones once he catches me looking around for a place to sit. I've been here about ten minutes, coming in at the tail end of Nick and Jolly working out the last minute changes to a song they’ve been working on. I look at Noah, a bit surprised by his offer because normally he's the “all work no play” kind of guy when it comes to studio time. But his lopsided grin makes my heart jump and I can’t help but return the smile. 

Noah senses my hesitation. He slides the white roller chair he’s sitting in closer towards me. “What?” His eyes narrow while trailing up my body. I don’t miss the underlining grin that lingers on his lips when his eyes land on my bottom; his favorite thing.    

“I said come here,” he demands in a low, raspy voice, reaching for me and wrapping his large hand around my thigh to pull me into him. His firm grip creates a burning ache that shoots straight up into my core, making my muscles tighten. Staggering just a bit, my hands land on his shoulders as I’m forced to straddle his long, bare leg that’s exposed from the light pair of shorts he’s wearing. It differs from the black shirt covering his torso and the contrast fits him perfectly. His face, slightly covered by the ball cap he chose to wear today, holds an enigmatic expression, telling me he has some deep thoughts running through his mind. I run my fingers down the side of his face to feel the warmth and softness of his skin, watching his intense, espresso, almond-like eyes flutter shut briefly, only to reopen with a leering expression. My skin prickles from the familiar look, knowing that it always leads into something hot and heavy.

“That's better. I don't like it when you're so far away,” Noah pouts, removing his hat before burying his face in my tummy and planting kiss after kiss on the thin fabric covering my skin. I sigh and welcome the feeling of his hands running over my hips and down my legs and the gentle kisses that have more than a few times turned into feral bite marks and dominant clenches of passion around my throat. Those secret moments between us have brought me over the edge of extreme climaxes so many times, making me cry and sore for days. I smile, thinking about the way Noah often pins me down and makes me take him, moaning that deep moan in my ear that he does while he’s all the way in me, and how it gets me wetter than he thinks. I shudder at just the thought and suddenly I’m filled with a strong itch to devour him. I can already feel the wetness from my desperation forming a slight puddle and coating the brand new red thong I’m wearing. I bought it with a few others yesterday as a surprise for Noah. It’s my first time wearing it and I have to admit, it’s quite comfy. 

“You are very tense, Princess,” Noah murmurs, observing the tightness of my muscles as he runs his large hand up the inside of my thigh, faintly brushing against my already aroused sex. I grip his shoulders tighter to signal my awareness of his actions and he does it again, quietly groaning into my tummy before laying his forehead into me. His faint explicit choice of words makes me snicker because I know how frustrated he already is in more ways than just one. I suppress my whimper by clenching my jaw and taking a deep breath through my nose. 

“Got something on your mind you want to share with me?” Noah looks up at me with a disarming smirk. I want to slap it off him, because I’m aware that he knows exactly what he’s doing to me; on purpose. “You’re blushing.” The smirk turns into a sweet smile. I bite my bottom lip, placing my hands on either side of his sweet face.

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know,” I tease, running my hands through the loose tendrils of his soft brown hair, watching the way his eyes close and his head falls back a little at the feeling. “God, I love it when you do that,” he purrs, finally pulling me into his lap and wrapping his arms around me. Sitting on just one of his long legs hurts my bottom, so I stand back up to reposition myself. 

“You have the perfect ass,” Noah praises with appreciation, making my heart race. The slight way his hands grab my cheeks, palming them and lightly squeezing has me giggling.

“Wait, hold up,” and I can hear the playful surprise in his voice. “Are you,” but I quickly shut him up by turning around and placing a quick kiss on his lips. He tastes so fucking good, I can’t let go. And neither can he. I try to separate us, but Noah just tightens his grip. “You know, we’re in public, right?” I mumble against his lips. “I really don’t care. You look so hot, I’m trying not to fuck you senseless right now,” he grumbles. Laughing, I’m finally able to push him away. “You better watch your mouth.” I grab his chin and give his head a small shake. 

“Stop trying to change the subject,” he accuses, trying to grab my ass again. “Noah! Stop!” I squeal. “I want to know what you’re wearing!” “Why does it matter?!” Noah scowles. “Why are you teasing me?” “Ha! What are you talking about, I’m not teasing you,” I lie, knowing fully well that I am. Payback for earlier. Our eyes lock. Noah just stares at me for a moment until I see the small flash of a spark that’s about to ignite a whole firestorm. 

“Oh baby, you’re playing a dangerous game,” Noah chides into my ear as I settle back into his lap, squirming until I find the perfect spot. I feel his soft cock already harden beneath my ass, making it harder to resist him. I can’t help but wiggle against him, loving the feeling of him beneath me. “Especially if you keep doing that. Fuck,” he growls before kissing my cheek. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” snickering while I do it again. The deep rumble in his chest that vibrates against my back is proof of his sudden agitation. “Stay fucking still, Princess unless you’re in the mood to take care of the boner you’re giving me.” Oh fuck. 

His bluntness catches me off guard as my eyes widen and face reddens. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use the term “boner” before," I say, trying to suppress a laugh. “Well, what else am I supposed to call it?” He snickers, making me cover myself from slight embarrassment. “I have no clue,” still laughing. I lay my hands over his this, softly touching his tattooed covered skin before locking our fingers together. I relax against Noah, resting my head against his shoulder, relishing the feeling of his lean yet strong body beneath mine and letting my eyelids flutter close. I listen intently to the sound of his voice and how it rises and falls, reminding me where his famous growl and bark come from. I grin when I hear the slight lisp of his s sounds that are so adorable. Just like him. 

I can’t escape the yearning that’s been building up inside me for a few days since   Noah and I were last intimate. The band's grueling work schedule has had them either here or in Noah’s at home studio, working vigorously on their new content that’s had all of them super excited. I know Noah feels bad about not having much time for us, but I understand, and I often make sure he knows that. Hence why I bought the thongs. He’s often mentioned how much he wants to see me in them just because of how much he loves my butt. But today, I’m just antsy. I want him, I need him. I’m craving to have every part of him, every inch in me, on me, under me or on top of me. I didn’t realize how hard I was clenching his fingers just thinking about it all until Noah gently tells me in my ear that I’m starting to hurt him. “Gosh, I’m so sorry baby,” I say quickly releasing them. “It’s alright,” he assures me with a light laugh. “Are you okay? You’re really quiet all of a sudden.” I shrug, but nod. “Yeah, I’m okay.” “You sure? Your face is telling me something different.”

He nuzzles his face against mine, the contact of our skin connecting sends shivers over me. “I just miss you, that's all,” I admit honestly. “I miss the feeling of you.” I brush my lips against his cheek and hear him grunt. “I need to be inside you, Princess,” he whispers, after lowering his head so the others can’t hear him. “I want… shit….” he mumbles, squeezing his eyes closed. “What, baby, what do you want?” I ask him gently. He pulls me to the side of him so that we can look at each other. “I just want to make you cum,” he chuckles, lowering face. I can see red hue spreading over his cheeks and it makes the aching for him explode in me. “Shit, Noah, who’s blushing now!” I jokingly point out. He laughs, covering his eyes to hide his embarrassment. All of this makes me realize that we both need each other desperately right now, and since I’ve been dying to show him his surprise, I share an idea with him.  

“Hey, do you have a set of extra keys to the building?” “Matt does, why?” He looks at me with eyes that are twinkling with excitement. “You should get them. I have something to show you.” A wide smile spreads over his face as he pats my leg, indicating to me to stand up. He goes to Matt and gets the key, coming back over and reaching for my hand. “Come show me my surprise, baby girl,” he murmurs in my ear, leading me out the door into the hallway. 

Following the small hallway all the way down and then turning left, Noah leads us to the studio at the furthest end of the short hall. He shoots me a coy smile, reminding me that he has thoughts running around in his head; thoughts that I’m sure are just as hot and dangerous as mine. 

Noah fumbles with the keys, trying to find the right one, cursing each time he doesn’t until he drops them, growling in frustration. I force myself between him and the door, gasping slightly when his hard erection pushes against my aching pussy, making me whimper. “Fuck, Princess,” he whispers, reaching over and slipping his finger beneath my chin and grazing my lips with his thumb. I slowly lower myself to the floor and pick up the keys, suddenly eye level with his hard cock. Noah is so erect that his tip is welcomingly before me, making me fight the urge to undo his shorts and fuck him with my mouth right here in the hallway. Keeping eye contact, I instead, take his cock hidden beneath his shorts, and give it a little pump, then lean in and take his tip between my teeth, lightly nipping at the skin. “Oh my god, Y/N,” he growls between his teeth.

We’re greeted by complete darkness, but Noah knows his way around enough that he immediately finds the light switch and flips it on. A soft glow lights up the room, showing off the equipment located around the room. I don’t have much time to look around anymore, as Noah yanks me by the arm and turns me around to face him, slapping my ass so hard I cry out with a slight moan. He pushes us tighter together so that I can feel his pulsing cock against my belly. The tingles creep through my sex, bringing that familiar spreading heat to the wetness of my folds, causing me to whimper. He takes my hand, bringing it to his mouth and kisses my palm before trailing his lips up my fingers only to take a few of them in his mouth. He runs his tongue over them, soaking them with his spit then sucking it off. I don’t hold back the moan that fills the back of my throat. Noah grins. “I know I’m fucked when just the sound of your moan turns me on, Princess,” Noah praises, grinding against my soaking wet pussy. I whimper again, but it quickly turns into another moan. He drags my hand down his abs, past the button of his shorts and lays it on the bulge between his legs. “Feel how fucking hard you make me. He’s ready to fuck your pretty wet cunt.” My knees are weak, possibly about to buckle, so I grip Noah’s forearms for support. The images flashing through my mind make me feel flushed 

Rising to my feet, I capture Noah’s mouth with mine, slipping my tongue inside his mouth and tasting his warmth while unable to keep from palming his cock, grabbing its entirety. “Goddammit, Princess if you don’t fucking unlock that door right now, I’m going to yank your leggings down and pound into you so fucking hard you won’t be able to walk,” he growls into my mouth. I love when he gets so worked up and feisty. “Yes, sir,” I reply with a smirk. I turn around and easily find the right key and insert it into the lock. Noah braces himself against the doorframe, pushing himself into my ass so hard I hit the door before I’m able to unlock it. “Hurry up.” I bite the inside of my cheek, suppressing my laugh. 

“I know that look,” he grins, laying a kiss on my lips. “You’re crazy. I have no look,” I deny. But I know I’m not fooling him. “Ohhhh yes you do, Princess. Why don’t you tell me what it is,” Noah says, trying to convince me by sliding his hands under my shirt. He gropes my breasts, pulling a slight cry from my lips as my breath hitches. The fierce, heavy-lidded look taking Noah over by the second is fucking with my head in ways I can no longer control. I’m done trying to resist the tempting thoughts and desires I’m having for him. “Tell me, baby, tell me what you’re thinking about.” Noah raises my shirt above my head, taking it off and tossing it on the floor, and revealing my red-laced bra that matches the thong he has yet to see. The sight forces a groan from deep inside his chest. “Wow! Red is definitely your color, Princess,” he coos, lifting my head and getting lost between my lips, my jaw, and then my neck. His kisses, wet and sensual, trail all over my skin. Finally, his lips find their way back to mine and I exhale against his mouth, melting. Into him. Into the kiss. Into us. 

I help Noah remove his shit and run my hands down his naked chest, drinking in the sight of his beautiful tattoos that are such a fucking turn on for me. 

“You really want to know what I’m thinking about,” I ask, snaking my hands around his neck and locking them together. Noah nods and slips his hands inside my leggings. “I’m thinking of seeing how long you’ll last when I take your cock in mouth.” Noah’s dick twitches against me and from the blown look covering his face, he’s speechless. “What the actual fuck, baby. Wh…” but he can’t seem to find the right words to say. I have no idea where the new found confidence I’m feeling has come from, but I’m loving it; just as much as I’m liking the expression on his face. 

Noah slams his lips on mine, attacking me like a starved animal. He shoves me against the soundboard, lifting my leg to hook it on his hip. “Goddammit, princess you’re fucking with my head so bad, baby.” My fingers claw his back, digging into the colored flesh of Jesus, as small cries and breathless moans begin to seep out of me. Noah’s panting, his tongue fighting mine for dominance. His fingers tangle in my hair, yanking and pulling, making me want him even more. “Fuck, Noah,” I hiss, but we don’t stop. “I’m sorry,” he says, nipping my lips; the top first then the bottom. I groan, as his tongue plunges back into my mouth, forcing its way through my lips with brutal force, licking deep. “We can’t do this here,” I mumble through his kiss. His tongue tangles with mine as his hands wrap around my face, holding it tightly to force my head up, Another growl rips through Noah, desperate and feral once he breaks away from our kiss. Both of us are breathless, overly stimulated by each other’s actions. I glance around and my eyes instantly land on the soundbooth.“That booth,” I say, nodding towards the room through the window. “Those things are sound proof, right?” A wide smile spreads across Noah’s face. “They are,” he replies. 

I close the door behind me, making sure to lock it. The room is a little small, especially with Noah’s size and height, but there’s enough space for what we’re wanting to do. Noah’s looming presence behind me gives me shivers and I nearly come undone when I feel his soft kisses on my back. His fingers dance over my arms, making my skin prickle. I suck in a shaky breath, but once Noah spins me around to face him, I forget every thought. “I want to feel how wet you are for me, baby,” he demands. “I want to see what you’re hiding.” 

He takes my face in his hands, his long fingers spreading over my jaws, and carefully presses me against the cold hard door. I grab his shoulders to steady myself. Our breaths are hot, pouring over each other like gasoline that’s about to explode. Noah’s growing impatient. I can tell by the way his pupils suddenly dilate. He takes his hand and tightly wraps it around my throat, his hip thrusting against me as his other hands slip inside my leggings. Somehow, he manages to tug them down, and I kick them off,  finally revealing my little secret to him. The unholy sound that leaves Noah has my arousal coiling up in the pit of my belly. I hold back a whimper, afraid to even breathe. The clicking sound Noah makes with his tongue is followed by the shaking of his head, a few tendrils of hair falling into his eyes. Noah takes a step back, hand still wrapped around my throat, taking in the sight of me. “Holy shit, Princess. You look like a Goddess. I didn’t think you could look any more delicious than you already do, but damn I was wrong. This,” reaching for the front of my thong and running a long finger up my covered folds, sighing. “Mmmm, you’re wet.”

Noah looks down at me, his gaze is dark and hungry. I’m a writhing mess for him now, my walls aching to tighten around his thick, pulsing length and cum all over him. Pushing my panties to the side, Noah buries one finger, knuckle deep inside my tight pussy and invades my blood like an all consuming poison, humming in approval as I squirm beneath him. His hand around my throat tightens every time his finger slips in and out of me, making my walls quiver around him, and moan when his thumb finds my clit, drawing slow circles around it. “So fucking wet for me, Princess,” Noah purrs, kissing my forehead. “Fuck if I’m not hard for you.” Before I can stop myself, I reach down and cup him through the fabric of his shorts, squeezing him hard. He curses, muffling low noises in my ear. 

“Please, Princess, I’ve been such a good boy… I’ve waited so patiently for it. Don’t I deserve a reward for my patience?” Our eyes meat, locking together in a leering stare. Noah doesn’t have to ask me twice. 

“Sit,” I order, nodding at the chair behind him. Sliding his finger out, Noah obeys, resting his hands on his knees. I stand in front of him, hands on my hips, looking down at him and the blissful way he’s watching me. To the world, Noah is hot, sexy, gorgeous, and a million other crazy, sensual adverbs. He’s someone’s fantasy, someone’s desire, someone’s weakness. But to me, he’s just Noah. Sweet, soft, not so sure of himself Noah. I’ve seen him at his worst, loved him through his best, and stayed by him when everything seemed to be coming apart around him. Noah is my safe place. He’s my comfort and shield. He’s my heart. “What?” he asks, a small grin hiding in the corner of his lips. I shake my head, indicating nothing. Coming closer to him, I straddle his leg and run my hands through his hair, leaning down and kissing him. Gipping my hips, Noah pushes me down until I’m sitting with his leg between my legs. “I wanna watch you cum on my thigh, baby,” he admits openly. “I want you to make my skin wet.” I groan loudly.

Even though his offer is so tempting, I have something better in mind. “Not yet,” I smile while climbing off his lap. “Turn around so I can see your ass then.” I oblige Noah, turning around and showing him what he wants to see. “Mmmm, fuck, princess,” he stammers, tugging me backwards and lays small kisses on the skin of my bottom that sends the blood rushing to my head and my heart racing. “Bend over.” I obey, whimpering when his hands slide up my ass cheeks and his finger finds its way in between them, tracing the thin fabric that is laid between them. “Noah,” I whine, needing him to stop, but also not wanting him too. “God, Y/N I need to fuck you, baby. I need to cum inside you. Fuck baby, please,” Noah suddenly begs me. I turn around, taking in the washed out, tassel look that’s washed over him. He looks love drunk and it makes me giggle. “What, baby, I’m serious. Just come here and sit on me,” he pleads, reaching out for me. I shake my head. “Uh-uh. Nope.” “Fuuuck, why?” Noah’s whines are adorable. “Because I have another idea.”

I keep direct contact with Noah as I sink to my knees. He licks his lips, wiggling in the chair, as a small smile crosses his face. I undo the button on his shorts, aching to set his cock free, and tug them down from the sides, revealing the black tented boxer-briefs beneath. He’s so fucking hard and I groan when I notice the wet puddle on his briefs from the tip of his cock leaking pre-cum. “Shit, baby, I’m so hungry for you,” I breathe, feeling my jaws water while tugging his briefs off, putting his entire beautiful naked body on full display for me. My pussy screams and clenches for him.

“Holy fuck, Noah,” I breath, glancing up at him. Noah runs his hand over my cheek and wraps it around my jaw. “Then eat, Princess.” He gives me that shit-eating grin that drives me out of my mind. His words are all I need to begin. Sliding my hands up his long thighs, I lower my face towards his hard shaft and run my tongue straight up it, over the groves, until I reach the very tip where I finally take him into mouth. I moan the second my tongue tastes the sweet saltiness of his juice as I begin to slowly sink further down on him. “Fuck,” Noah breaths out harshly, trying to catch his breath. “I need more, Princess. Keep going,” he pants and I feel the soft pressure of his hand on the back of my head. I willingly obey, taking more of his delicious cock, attempting to go all the way down until it hits the back of my throat. The muscles in Noah’s thighs are tight and twitchy, telling me I need to do more to loosen him up and help him relax. I reach down and gather his balls in my hand, moaning more as the soft liquidly feeling of them in my fingers makes me wetter. “For the fucking love of god, Y/N, shit!” Noah’ bucks, rutting his cock further into my mouth and it finally hits the back of my throat. I gag, slide back and release some saliva, then sink back down while massaging the tender flesh in my hand. Noah’s moans grow louder the more I suck him, up and down, harder and harder, while pumping the thick shaft with my free hand. “You’re a goddamn, fucking goddess for this, Y/N, “ he mutters in a quivered breath.

His hand moves to cup my face, holding me in place as he begins to fuck my mouth. Noah’s breathing is ragged as I give him the moment to take charge, feeling my own arousal building up. A soft whimper escapes me as I try to match his slight pace, taking him deeper into my throat each time he pushes forward. His grip in my hair tightens, bringing my lips closer to his shaved base. I gag harder, saliva running over my hand. Noah inhales sharply. “You’re such a dirty little girl, Princess,” he groans. My eyes turn teary with the overwhelming sensation rushing through me. Noah undoes the clasp of my bra, releasing my breast. He pulls it off me and his fingers instantly find my nipples where he takes them between his thumb and finger, pinching them and twisting them until I’m moaning and whimpering louder than before. “Yeah, you like that, don’t you dirty little thing. God you’re fucking perfect, Princess.” Noah’s praises roll off his tongue like a prayer. With each hard thrust into my mouth, his cock flexes against my tongue. It sends shockwaves through my body. Sucking the salty taste of him and swallowing it makes me eager for his cum to fill my mouth. I pump him faster and deeper, suck him harder, swirl my tongue on his tip and play with the small hole at the end that makes Noah cry unholy words and sounds. “Take it all, Y/N, make me cum, baby, fuck, please!” 

His body tenses and his ragged breathing has turned into full panting. He groans and suddenly, I feel a hot wave of his cum in my throat. I gag, but he keeps his hand on my head tightly, giving me no option but to swallow all of him. “Urrghhhhhhh! Fuck!” Noah groans louder. His hips jerk violently in rhythm with each pulse of his release. I keep sucking around his head, milking every last drop of him before slowly pulling away. Noah goes limp, long legs falling open, head falling back, and arms falling to the side before he drags his hands down his face, dropping curses under his breath. “I don’t think you’ve ever made me cum that fucking hard before, baby. Holy shit,” he chuckles. “And you swallowed me. That’s a first. Why?” He takes my hand and helps me up, pulling me into his lap. He’s still hard, ready for round two, while I’m eager to finally feel him inside me. “It’s been a fantasy of yours. That and the thong. So I figured I’d make you feel better by giving you what you want.” Noah holds out his hand to me. “Spit.” I spit, then watch him use it as lub for his cock. “Ughh, god Noah, please fuck,” “Come here,” Noah begs, moving my panties aside and lining his cock up to my entrance. “Let me inside that pretty cunt of yours, Princess.” He shoves himself into me, and I cry out the moment I watch him disappear inside me, throwing my hand over my mouth.

“No,” Noah shakes his head, yanking my hand away from my mouth. “Soundproof, remember?” he says, gently pounding into me. “Scream for me baby. Let me hear you.” I pick up the pace and continue to fuck Noah unlike any time before, my hands gripping his shoulders, his hands gripping my hips. “Fuck, Noah, I’m close, baby,” I whine, unable to slow my pace. The way he fills me is heavenly, the way his cock molds around the tender flesh of my pussy fills me with indescribable pleasure that only he can fulfill. His mouth finds my breast and he takes each one into his, nipping and sucking the pebbled flesh until I’m crying out his name. “Noah,” I pant, urging him on with the movement of my hips with his. “Louder,” he growls out between clenched teeth. “Noah,” I moan louder, feeling all the ridges of his cock, his pulsing veins, naked inside me. “Faster, Princess. Fuck me faster.” His thumb finds my clit again and circles it, rubbing until the fire in my body concentrates on my burning core and I start to shake. “Fuck Noah, baby, oh god,” I scream louder, my fingernails digging into the flesh of his shoulders. “That’s it baby. Fucking take me. Make me cum inside your cunt, Princess.” Noah’s coaxing pleas are making me light headed. And then I feel his teeth on my neck. Hard. “Noah, oh god, oh god, yes! Baby don’t stop, please don’t, f-fuck!” My breath hitches and I throw my arms around Noah’s neck screaming as I suddenly explode around his cock, my walls releasing like never before. My heart beats through the roof, so loud I can feel it thundering through my whole, entire body. Noah doesn’t stop, only continues dragging my pussy against his base until the tension in him snaps and finally, I feel his second release as he spills himself inside me. His hips shudder and body jerks, the release pushing him so far over the edge that he bites down on my shoulder. I cry out, but take it, gripping the back of his head while holding him close. He clings to me,  breathing so hard, and I can feel the thunder of his heartbeat. 

“Thank you,” Noah whispers into my neck after examining the small bite mark he’s left. “For what?” I’m completely gone, lost in the aftermath of his sexual healing. “For making my fantasies come true. The fact that you would do something for me that you normally wouldn’t do for reasons I understand speaks loud.” Noah pushes me back and stares at me with the most loving look in his eyes. “I don’t deserve you, Princess.” I smile, brushing the hair out his face. “Yes, you do.” He kisses me. “I love you.” I lean back into him, locking my arms around his neck, thankful that I have him for life. “I love you, too. 

[olivialau]

Shadow's Embrace Ch.24

Sukuna x Reader

Disclaimer:

This is a work of fanfiction based on the universe of "Jujutsu Kaisen," created by Gege Akutami. The original manga, anime, and characters belong to their respective owners and creators.

Notes:

This story unfolds in the Jujutsu Kaisen world, set in a slightly altered universe where Sukuna inhabits his own vessel distinct from Itadori Yuji's body, making him a separate entity.

Summary:

Ryomen Sukuna, the King of Curses, becomes fascinated with a female sorcerer rich in potential but lacking control. Initially seizing her for his destructive plans, Sukuna aims to bind her abilities through a contract. Yet, as he tries to dominate her, he finds himself intrigued by her strength and determination. Over time, his interest evolves from strategic advantage to a deeper, personal connection.

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CHAPTER 24- Heart of Conflict

After the broken glass fiasco, falling back asleep felt nearly impossible. The extra hour you so desperately needed to undo the damage from last night’s reckless decisions slipped further out of reach with every passing minute. Your eyes felt heavy enough, but the nervous thudding of your heart kept you wide awake.

As the sun rose, it cast a warm ray of light through the windows, enveloping your body in its glow. You wondered whether that was why you were feeling so incredibly hot.

Or maybe... it was due to the persistent memory of Sukuna’s big hands hovering dangerously close to the inside of your thigh.

A memory that just wouldn't leave your thoughts, no matter how hard you tried to banish it.

You’d convinced yourself it was just his impressive physique playing tricks on your mind—the guy was built like a damn sculpture, after all. And it didn’t help that he was nearly naked, with his skin still damp... Christ.

But that didn’t quite explain the desperate desire to gaze deep into his eyes, a longing that went beyond just physical attraction. It was more of a search—a quest for understanding.

You wondered what you were hoping to find: a trace of kindness? A spark of humanity? Or even just a tiny hint of decency to justify the pull you felt toward him. Perhaps if you could see something redeeming in those eyes, you could accept your feelings without feeling like a terrible person.

But though you’d caught fleeting glimpses of something beneath his cruel exterior, there had been just as many moments when his eyes revealed nothing at all.

Maybe that was why you still couldn’t admit the whole truth to yourself.

Your thoughts twisted and tangled like that, looping endlessly over themselves, for the entire hour you should have spent sleeping off your headache.

And it proved to be an awful mistake.

The whole day of classes felt like wading through a thick fog, your head throbbing, nausea coming and going in waves. You weren’t hiding it well, either.

Kugisaki and Itadori took turns teasing you, delighted by your obvious misery, both of them grinning as if they hadn’t been complicit in yesterday evening's misadventure. Megumi, on the other hand, simply shrugged at your discomfort and gave you that infuriating look that said, "You made your bed, now lie in it."

Things got so bad that even Gojo pulled you aside between classes. His voice was unusually serious when he informed if everything was alright. There was a look of genuine concern on his face, and you felt a pang of guilt for making him worry. You knew he was thinking about the whole Sukuna situation, wondering what kind of trouble the King of Curses had caused you this time.

And while the situation with Sukuna had certainly been... intense, that hadn't been the reason for the occasional rub at your temples or the way your face turned green every so often.

But admitting to your teacher that you'd spent the previous evening chugging down beers wasn’t exactly appealing. So you brushed it off, muttering that it was nothing.

The day dragged on, slow and merciless, until finally, the last class ended. By the time you made it back to the apartment, you felt like a walking corpse.

But of course, Sukuna had to drag you out for a training session immediately afterward—clearly his way of extending your hellish day in a bid to get back at you for the night before.

There was, however, a silver lining: the look on his face when you demonstrated your improved cursed energy control, which you had spent a fair amount of time practicing with Megumi and Gojo.

His eyes narrowed, and though he merely grunted a curt "hmph," it felt like a compliment given his usual barrage of insults.

That tiny victory was enough to dull some of the exhaustion, and get through the brutal training session.

Afterward, you took a long, hot shower, grabbed a cup of instant noodles, and slumped onto the couch. You stayed there for the rest of the evening, letting the minutes tick by as you mindlessly scrolled through your phone.

You told yourself you deserved this small reprieve, this brief escape from everything.

But in truth, it served as the perfect distraction from what awaited you tomorrow—Ayumi’s memorial ceremony.

You dreaded it.

All the memories you’d fought so hard to bury would claw their way back to the surface. The memory of finding Ayumi... like that... as vivid as a photograph burned into your mind. You could still see it so clearly: her wide, hollow eyes, her black hair splayed around her severed head in a pool of red. The thought alone made your stomach lurch.

But the memories weren’t the worst part. That would be facing Ayumi’s mom.

The guilt was unbearable whenever you saw her mother’s face, etched with a desperate, empty search for answers, for meaning in a loss that made no sense. It was a sharp, relentless ache in your gut, that made each breath feel like a knife twisting deeper and deeper into your flesh.

You felt such shame—for failing to protect Ayumi and for being so much of a coward.

When you discovered Ayumi on the porch, lifeless and broken, you couldn’t even bring yourself to tell her mother, couldn’t speak the words that would shatter her world.

Somehow, you believed that if you never said them aloud, it wouldn’t be real.

So, instead, you dialed for an ambulance with trembling fingers, masking your voice to keep it anonymous—as if an ambulance could somehow piece Ayumi back together.

Then, you retreated to your room like a child hiding from a nightmare, curling beneath the blankets, your whole body shaking. You buried your face in your knees, each panicked breath coming shorter than the last, until the distant wail of sirens finally pierced the air.

And now, the memorial would bring it all back—the things you’d tried to forget, the guilt and shame you couldn’t bury deep enough.

Yet, amid all that dread, there was an opportunity.

The monster that had taken Ayumi from you was still out there, and now, thanks to Sukuna's twisted manipulations, you finally knew where to find it.

You were stronger than you’d been back then. The hours of training—with Sukuna, with the others at Jujutsu High—had pushed you to your limits, helped you uncover your cursed technique, and sharpened your skills to the point where, maybe, just maybe, you could destroy that wretched curse.

And maybe that would ease the unbearable weight on your chest, if only a little.

You scoffed at yourself, disgusted. Even now, you were still a coward, desperate to escape the guilt you knew you deserved to carry. But you couldn’t keep living like this. You had made a promise—a vow—to Ayumi that you would have your revenge.

And tomorrow would be the day.

For now, though, just for a little longer, you allowed yourself to sink into the numbness of mindless scrolling on your phone—anything to keep your thoughts at bay.

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The next morning, a fleeting moment of bliss greeted you as you awoke, only to be abruptly snatched away when the reality of the day set in.

As you moved through the apartment, you realized with a twinge of anxiety that you hadn’t secured Sukuna’s explicit permission to leave. You had mentioned your plans to him, and though he hadn’t outright refused, his cruel lecture about the futility of commemorating the dead had been infuriatingly clear.

Regardless, you were determined. This was non-negotiable.

Making sure to move quietly, you prepared a quick breakfast and dressed in the only suitable outfit you had with you—a modest black dress that fit you like a glove.

You were hoping to avoid Sukuna entirely and slip out unnoticed. However, given his outburst at your previous disappearance, you thought it wise to at least leave a note.

You grabbed a pen and a scrap of paper from your backpack and quickly scrawled a brief message: “Off to the memorial. Gone until evening.” Just as you set the pen down and reached for your bag, the door to Sukuna’s room creaked open behind you.

Shit. Just your luck.

Sukuna emerged, looking slightly disheveled, his gaze lingering on the curves of your dress longer than necessary. You were tempted to lash out, but with a train to catch, you decided it was best to just greet him briefly and move on.

“Oh....hello. Good morning,” you said, wondering when you’d become so casual with him. Sukuna raised an eyebrow at your greeting but remained silent, his gaze narrowing slightly.

With Sukuna now directly in front of you, the note seemed a bit redundant. You crumpled it in your hand and added, “Uhm. I’m heading to my hometown for the memorial service. I’ll be back this evening.”

Sukuna’s expression darkened, his brows furrowing deeply. “Tch. You forfeited the privilege of going out on your own the moment you disappeared for an entire evening. And as far as I recall I never actually gave you permission to go there in the first place, did I?"

Struggling to maintain your composure due to your growing frustration, you tried to reason with him. 'I’m telling you now, alright? I’ll return as soon as possible, I promise. Just please don’t make a big deal out of this. I need to catch a train, and—"

He cut you off sharply, his voice leaving no room for argument. “No. I’ve told you before, I couldn’t care less about your pathetic wailing ceremony. You’re to stay within my sight unless you’re at Jujutsu High. That is a command.”

Fucking asshole. He had enough control over your life as is, and you'd made it clear how important this was to you.

Moments like these made you question your own sanity for believing there was more to him than a heartless monster. Or was this his fucked up way of reasserting dominance after his rare display of kindness the previous morning?

Whatever his reasons, you refused to accept this. "Well then we seem to have a big problem, don’t we? Because I’m going. Even if it means breaking the vow. So either you lift that command, or I’ll face whatever punishment comes from defying it. But that would mean you’d lose your pawn too, wouldn't it?”

You laughed dryly before adding, “Or are you planning to put on your best suit and join the wailing just to keep an eye on me?”

It was clearly a jest born of frustration, but midway through your sentence, Sukuna’s slitted eyes widened. A smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth, as if he’d just conceived an idea that struck him as particularly entertaining.

“Hah, now you’ve done it, you foolish woman,” Sukuna sneered.

“Maybe I should accompany you,” he continued, his eyes glinting with malicious amusement. “I’m sure you’d enjoy having someone like me there, blending into your little gathering of friends and family.” He leaned in closer, his grin growing wider. “Imagine the scene—watching their feeble tears over your dead friend, feeling the hairs on their neck stand up when I pass by...”

He paused, as if mulling it over, before continuing with a tone that betrayed his satisfaction at turning your words against you. “Hell, with me there, it might actually be entertaining. You’ve managed to pique my interest, brat”

He had to be joking. Could he really be serious about joining you?

What unsettled you even more was the genuine enthusiasm in his eyes—one you’d seen only once before, when he’d recounted his blood-soaked rampages.

And that worried you to no end.

But you knew you couldn’t physically stop him from going, so at the very least, you had to ensure he wouldn’t endanger the people you cared about.

“Sukuna, please—just don’t hurt anyone there. If you must keep an eye on me, fine. Follow me if you have to. But promise me you won’t cause any trouble.”

He grabbed your wrist and yanked it toward him, causing the crumpled paper still clutched in your hand to fall to the floor. “You think you’re in charge here, woman? If I wanted to tear through that crowd, I would. I’d relish it—watching their faces twist in terror, their fragile lives shattering in an instant.”

His grip eased slightly, and the dangerous edge to his aura softened into a begrudging sigh. “But I suppose I’ll humor you this once. I’ve invested too much effort in making you even marginally useful to let you break the vow and ruin everything.”

His voice dropped to a low, whisper as he leaned in, his breath grazing your ear and sending a wave of goosebumps over your skin. “So here’s my promise: I won’t harm anyone.… as long as they don’t give me a reason to.”

Really? Even now, during a heated exchange, his mere whisper was enough to elicit such a visceral reaction from you. You quickly turned away, grabbing your bag to hide the flush creeping up your cheeks.

Without looking back, you said, “We need to leave now. The train departs in twenty minutes.”

Sukuna's laughter echoed behind you. "A train? Public transport is for insects. I'll just meet you there."

You spun around, frustration boiling over. “What?! You were so adamant about keeping me in sight. And now you’re letting me go?”

He smirked, slicking back his hair with an almost lazy arrogance. "You wouldn’t dare run from me, little sorcerer. I know you’re not foolish enough to think you could escape the King of Curses. I just enjoy watching you squirm."

Before you could respond, he waved a dismissive hand, ushering you to go. "Go on. Leave. I’ll find you soon enough."

Was all of this just his way toying with you? It was maddening. But with no more time for arguments, you stormed out, slamming the door behind you to emphasize your frustration.

At least he’d promised not to harm anyone, and he had kept his word so far. But you still needed to figure out how to evade his watchful gaze to pursue your secondary plan—finding and killing the curse that took Ayumi’s life.

Because no one, not even Sukuna, would stand in the way of your revenge.

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Thank you for reading!! Hope you enjoyed the chapter <3 Would next chapter be considered their first date?? 🫢

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Taglist: @sukunasthightattoos , @tomiokasecretlover , @6demonize6me6 , @blindbabycadder , @domainofmarie , @marcoschuitmaker , @geniejunn , @chanaaaannel

[pearlprincess02]

emma's big 6

birthday: november 25th

sun:

sagittarius sun: sagittarius suns are optimistic, bright and cheerful; they’re the best friends you could ever have. these people are in constant motion and they always seek both mental and physical stimulation in their connections. they’re curious, funny and vigorous. these individuals tend to be good at sports, and it’s very common to see them doing some spontaneous philosophical ramblings. they are adventurers and travellers; they love to travel no matter if it’s somewhere far away or close. sagittarius can start doing things and never finish them, and can also be quite cocky for being know-it-alls.

sun in 8th house: 8th house suns are usually interested in self analysis, they often seek out the darkest parts of their psyches, they have a deep desire to find the deeply buried wounds in the subconscious and heal them. this often leads them into the world of mystics and the occult. because there is a natural tendency to understand and be interested in topics that seem taboo to the public, these individuals keep a lot of who they are to themselves and have a hard time sharing themselves with the public. 

moon:

cancer moon: cancer moons are seriously the sweetest. ever. but. they can also be very crazy. they’re intensely affected by what sign the moon is in right now. this is a very good sign to have the moon in because it’s in its rulership. the thing they do best is feeling emotions, and they’re very driven by them as well. they understand that people can be emotional at times and they just understand people in general. they know that sometimes all a person needs is just a little comfort and kindness, so out of the kindness of their heart, they provide it. their emotions are very strong, and their emotional or family world may make them cry a lot. they may look calm on they outside, but they’re actually falling apart on the inside. their emotions are really jumpy, they have a lot of mood swings and think they’re feeling a certain way when in reality they’re not. they jump to conclusions easily. their mother may have been very emotional even if she was nurturing or just crazy, she had heavy emotions and the individual felt them as if they were experiencing it first hand, or they just got really good at reading their moms emotions and moods so that they could understand her and protect themselves. they may find that over time they’re learning the importance of taking care of their emotions and healing. they need to learn to just go with their emotions instead of being overwhelmed by them, and this will not be easy. but this will help their intuition develop and their emotions will actually become very powerful and instead of fearing them, they can start to work with them to get what they want. they can manifest anything to be honest. they process their emotions by taking their feelings of empathy and kindness and then turn it onto the people they care most about. they will literally smother you with affection.

moon in 4th house: a good, secure, loving family is of utmost importance to you. if your domestic life is bad, your health responds worse than most people (and it usually effects every other area of your life). my mom has this, and she has a terrible time letting her children go out into the world, as much as she claims she doesn’t (she’s also a cancer moon which. whew). she is also resentful of any independence, or anything she considers ungratefulness for her love and protection. there’s an excessive worry about our well-being, and it’s quite suffocating and emotionally manipulative to live with that.

rising/1st house:

aries rising: their ability to (at least appear) unfazed, unbothered by any chaos going on around them. very resilient. so good at putting up with people lmao.

mercury:

sagittarius mercury: a refreshing wit and a depth that can convey understanding outside of yourself. you may also be able to learn many languages with ease. the way you speak in general is notable to foreigners and attention grabbing. your sense of humor and the jokes you tell may also hit off better with people from a different cultural background.

mercury in 9th house: natives with mercury in the 9th house have very brilliant ideas! they are always on the search for knowledge, and love traveling. they might’ve even been traveling since they were younger. when they can’t travel, they will read books/articles & such to learn about different cultures, languages, religions, and philosophies. they tell stories in very entertaining and interesting ways, it gets everyone’s attention just like that. if they have an opinion, you will hear it. these individuals will want to have evidence and facts before arguing or taking a stance, so it is a great placement to have. they can also be very blunt at times, to the point where others consider it “bold.” they can also be very witty, and flirty if they really want to be. Impatience is a big keyword for these people as they dread waiting for things + people. i’ve noticed these natives can be very consistent with what they do, or say. surprisingly, they can be very wise although funny at the same time. they’ve been through a lot of experiences that provide them with knowledge and advice + wisdom to give to others. these people like learning different languages, especially in songs and can easily memorize + learn different words and phrases. they’re very spiritually in tune, and receive messages from the universe easily. they make good teachers and astrologers. this placement can make a person laugh often. they are highly adaptable to different ideas, religions, and point of views. their minds can get stuck in the clouds a lot, just because there is so much to contemplate and think about in this world that interests them. 

venus:

libra venus: thinking of your future the first days together, “i don’t wanna argue with you.”, making decisions together, lowkey co-dependent, “you’re like a dream.”, caring how others see your relationship, “let’s keep things fair”, “i wore this for you.”, monthly anniversaries.

venus in 7th house: likes to relate, feel the need to be in a commitment (marriage). they like to dedicate themselves to relationships. they can attract someone beautiful and recognizable. express love and romance. loves to make deals. they seek balance in life. wants to please their partner. it may indicate an improvement in material life after marriage. the big question of life involves partnerships, if the relationship (marriage, society) is disturbed it is affected. it has many partners and mediators. they like peace and love. seeks to make the other happy. attracts pleasure and fun.

mars:

scorpio mars: this is where the devil comes to play. with a scorpio mars person. from romantic connections, to friends, to their professional life, things for a scorpio mars are just about looking at everything through a deep/occult lens. doesn't necessarily actually devilish or dark or whatever, but just that it merely goes beyond what's simple. and what's fun is that they play it cool. but i'll tell you now - be careful not to get trapped into the wicked ways of a scorpio mars, they're good at what they do. that is - their intuitive aura towards you if they see you in a romantic way, their sex, their calm yet powerful energy, and being quite possessive. these may all seem enticing to one who likes an attractive vibe like theirs. but... it can be toxic. and that's all I'll say. besides the romantic side of things, the way these people move is the most interesting way of all the zodiac signs. they seem like they're not trying to be seen, and that could be what they aim for, but something about them and the way they move tends to make people want to get drawn in to them. it doesn't have to be in a romantic/sexual way. but even just working, or physically training, or in family/friendly territory; their energy is subtle one, but touches people. it just happens. don't ask how cause i don't know either.

mars in 8th house: you both crave and fear intimacy. on one hand, you might be hypersexual and very assertive about your wants and needs; on the other hand, you fear letting anyone close to you for fear of them ending up betraying you. paranoias about being cheated on by your partner; you might hold on too much and too tight to people, needing to learn to let go of that need to control the ones you love. fear of opening up and being vulnerable, yet you wouldn’t stand others acting like that towards you. sexually magnetic. you seek intense manifestation and answers to your many questions about the dark side of life, unresolved traumas, the workings of the universe, etc. transformation occurs when you conquer your paranoias and fear of losing control, and it’s through that manifestation that your energy runs at its highest. moving on might prove to be very difficult when you’ve learned to identify with that part of your life as a part of your character. this placement focuses a lot on acting out your self-expression, which was something you didn’t get to do when you were younger.

🎧🍒💌💄

emma' s masterlist

crd:

sun sun 2.

moon moon 2.

rising

mercury mercury 2.

venus venus 2.

mars mars 2.

[unwelcome-ozian]

hey so i have a question and idk if this is an ask youre ok with answering, if not its fine- but so a week or so ago my mom offhandedly made a really weird really specific joke about me being fed balloons to traffic drugs as a child, and then immediately before i even said anything, started really aggressively saying she was joking and when i joked that it was a little suspicious that she was so aggressive about clarifying it was a joke, she said (slight paraphrasing) “well i thought i should say it because otherwise you’d be like ‘oh i don’t remember my childhood, did that actually happen?,,’” and then basically called me crazy by comparing me to a really notoriously eccentric friend i have, and when i called her out on it she accused me of being the one who was calling him (and myself) crazy, then when i said she was acting weird she started getting really flustered and it was super awkward and she was over explaining in a way she only does when she’s lying or trying to cover her ass, she kept giving me reasons that i wasn’t a drug mule as a child, and then she left extremely quickly and unnaturally after the whole interaction. I don’t have any memories of this, but the whole thing left me feeling extremely uneasy in a way i usually am not. I felt like I was in danger the rest of the night and even ended up sleeping with a weapon, which to be fair is a feeling i’ve had before but it’s never been exactly like this. I really felt like i found something out that i wasn’t supposed to, and that they would kill me for it. i do have ocd and this could’ve just been that, but it was weird. it felt more real and ive been very off balance since this, feeling very unsafe everywhere i go. i have a weapon by my bed at all times now just in case, but i have no idea why i am doing this because i have no memory of having any reason to. 

im very polyfragmented (dont know why or what caused it, know i experienced some kind of severe childhood abuse but generally don’t remember anything from childhood before age 10) and i’ve been splitting much more than usual since this, idk why.

I have been badly triggered by mention of organized crime and drug rings in the past but i assumed it was just because it was a heavy topic. I also have symptoms and vague memories of csa, as well as csem/csam. some of my alters are intensely triggered by the word magazine, i dont know why.

i am having trouble getting this out, i feel like my mind is trying to stop me if that makes any sense,  i feel like im sealing. my fate by typing this. i dont think i am but its a very heavy feeling. i just want to know if this is something i should actually be concerned about, or if i am just crazy and an attention seeking liar making up false stories for pity. my parents dont seem capable of anything like this at all, and i know i at least had a regular side of my life as a child with friends and school and stuff, but for some reason I’m scared and have been scared since my mom mentioned it, and i just need to know if this anything i should be worried about, or look into, or anything. if theres a possibility i experienced something awful and don’t remember it at all. its been really bugging me and scaring me for a bit,

im sorry this is a really long confusing ask, youre free to delete it. my mind is quite jumbled. sorry

No worries about the length of the ask. I want to assure you that you can write as much as you feel comfortable with.

I agree with you, it is an odd joke that your mother made. There is a saying that behind a joke there is some truth in it. 

Ultimately you know your mother. Does she often turn things around on you when you have disagreements? From what you described it sounds like gas-lighting.

Feeling safe is so important. I understand the need/feeling/desire to sleep with a knife. Feels safe, I get it.  My question is, who are “ they”? Who would try to kill you?

Which leads me back to safety. If you are physically safe, which only you can answer, and have been then you are likely safe.  If not, what things do you feel you are able to do to work towards safety?

There are parts in your system who do remember the abuse and what occurred. With time perhaps they will share those things.

Take your time in deciding what you want to do. The choice is yours to make. There is something awful that occurred that led to you living with DID.

Take care,

Oz

[nuagederose]

Q: what struggles have you had with your sexuality? . “all of them. but especially, feeling comfortable and confident about it. i was a big kid (not fat, just big in build; i was actually a very skinny kid). i was big in comparison to my classmates and my friends, so i have never felt desirable or good enough to act. i was never built up in that department, either. plus, i live in a very repressed society, and i grew up in a very conservative town: i question it… a lot. like a lot a lot. and i worried that if i turned out lesbian or bisexual or anything, i couldn’t tell anyone, even though my parents are very understanding—i have a transgender cousin, and the family (save for them) disowned him when he came out as gay; plus, i was getting bullied for a bunch of other things. i needed to come out like i needed a hole in my head. i finally figured i’m pansexual (attracted to anyone no matter who they are), polyamorous, and i’m also kinky, but—and i’m sorry ahead of time—i say this so reluctantly. when i think about it, i don’t feel pleasure: rather i feel nausea, a headache, pain in my back, and a tight heavy feeling in my chest. i go through periods where the shame is so overwhelming and intense that i find it a challenge to function, and i feel so ashamed of having a crush on a man or looking at girls that i feel it suffocating me. i make erotica, erotic art, and dirty jokes to heal, as a release of those vast and often contradictory feelings and thoughts, but i always feel so guilty after the fact, like… ‘how dare i be like this.’ it’s a never-ending swim through stormy waters looking for the lighthouse but you might have been yanked out by the rip tide for all you know. you learn to love the pain and the idea that people are laughing at you for your tastes, and you turn it into art, because the other option is to drown in it.” -from my (yes) sex journal

ig: badmotorartist

[zutt0-issh0ni]

I've fallen in love with a married man and I feel all sorts of way about it.

From the day I started talking to Jason Lepeska I felt it in my bones that we had a deep soulful connection.

I've had this issue of talking for endless hours with guys who stimulated my mind with great conversations, but by phone conversation number two I felt like I was developing a deeper connection with him. I felt that other guys that I talked to on the phone for hours just as I did with Jason always fell flat after our first date. It wasn't like that with Jason.

When he told me he was actually married, but in an open relationship on our third phone call a piece of my growing feelings for him shattered. I wanted him so badly, but I knew it was too good to be true. He told me he still very much wanted to see me and hoped that I would be open minded to at least going on a first date with me. Even though initially I almost thought about telling him no I said yes.

Our first date was wonderful. He was everything I hoped he could be. Very sweet, caring, passionate, funny, open minded, empathetic, and nurturing for someone with a heavy soul like me. I kept telling myself "Don't catch feelings. Keep things detached" it was really hard. I knew before I met him that I was going to fall in love with him.

The first time he kissed me on the park bench on that warm Summer evening that the passion he had behind our first kiss it was like a match made in heaven. The intensity I felt within myself when I kissed him back made me feel a sort of way with him. Although I know we are "casually dating" I feel that Jason too has developed an emotional connection to me. He often tells me he thinks about me a lot and that the lack of my presence in his life makes him yearn for me more.

I think because I am in love with him the sex feels really good with him. Although he isn't the most experienced lover in bed I've ever had, he is someone that I feel vulnerable with and so the sex experience is intensified.

When Jason is away with his wife it makes me feel depressed. I know it's so early on, but I can't help how I feel. I try not to think about his wife in the picture because this is my own thoughts and feelings. A little selfish I know, but I have a right to be. Every hour of the day that has passed this weekend I thought about him. I thought about the way he touches me, the way his face flushes when he looks at me, and the desire to physically bring me closer to him. When I'm with Jason he can't keep his hands off of me. Since I'm very different physically and emotionally from his wife I think he loves to explore that type of intimacy with me the the very much lacks with his wife.

I told Jessina, if he wasn't married I would be in madly in love with him already. There's no denying that Jason and I are extremely compatible together, and that's not me trying to convince myself that a man who isn't really into me or really cares about me is "compatible" with me. He reminds me how much we're alike with each other almost every conversation we have. I wish that I had met Jason earlier in life. Maybe we could have been together in some alternative timeline in the universe.

Sadly I know that Jason and I if he still chooses to love and be with his wife would never be "anything" which I know isn't my place to say anything. If I may or may not ever confess my "deeper feelings" for him may he feel the same way, but understand that it cannot be if he chooses it to be.

All I know is, I'm in love with Jason and I have mixed feelings about being in love with a married man.

[newstfionline]

Saturday, April 27, 2024

University protests and political arguments (NYT) Arnold Kling, an economist, published a book a decade ago that offered a way to think about the core difference between progressives and conservatives. Progressives, Kling wrote, see the world as a struggle between the oppressor and the oppressed, and they try to help the oppressed. Conservatives see the world as a struggle between civilization and barbarism—between order and chaos—and they try to protect civilization. The debate over pro-Palestinian protests at Columbia and other universities has become an example. If you want to understand why university leaders are finding the situation so hard to resolve, Kling’s dichotomy is useful: The central question for colleges is whether to prioritize the preservation of order or the desire of students to denounce oppression. There are also divisions among students. Pro-Palestinian students will say that Israel is the true source of disorder, while pro-Israel students will say that Hamas is the true oppressor.

Tennessee Parents Question Whether Arming Teachers Is the Answer (NYT) Devon Dixon believes guns serve a purpose. That is why she is licensed to carry and conceal firearms. She is also a mother living in the Nashville suburbs with three school-age children. She worries about their safety, especially after three 9-year-olds were among the six killed in a school shooting in the city last year. “It’s pretty heavy on my heart,” she said. But those concerns weren’t enough to persuade Ms. Dixon that Tennessee lawmakers were right to pass a bill on Tuesday that would allow teachers and other school employees to carry concealed handguns on campus in an effort to protect students. The skepticism has come not just from those who want tighter restrictions on firearms but also from some who generally believe strongly in gun rights. Their reluctance was rooted in doubts about the wisdom of placing such a daunting responsibility on teachers and other school workers.

Angry farmers in a once-lush Mexican state target avocado orchards that suck up too much water (AP) You know how people always talk about conflicts over water that are supposed to take place once our planet starts to dry out far into the future? Those are happening right now in Mexico. Mexico has been facing an extensive and intensive drought for a while now, and farmers have begun feuding over water, with local subsistence farmers taking on commercial avocado and berry farmers. The subsistence farmers claim that commercial farmers have long diverted water sources away from local towns, leaving local residents deprived of the water necessary to live their daily lives. Recently, things have come to a head—residents and subsistence farmers from the town of Villa Madero marched up to commercial farming operations, ripping out the illicit water pumps and holding pools that the commercial farms are allegedly using to steal water. That action might have been satisfying in the moment, but local leaders are worried about repercussions from the groups who back the commercial farmers—avocado farmers often pay protection fees to national cartels, which might retaliate for the damage.

Europe needs to be stronger, not a U.S. ‘vassal,’ says France’s Macron (Washington Post) French President Emmanuel Macron made the case for a stronger, more independent European Union, arguing that Europe needs a more credible defense policy to stand up to Russia and not be a strategic “vassal” to the United States. In a sprawling speech delivered under the soaring ceilings of the Sorbonne in Paris, Macron outlined his updated vision for Europe’s “strategic autonomy,” including plans to bolster European defense production and expand industrial policy to stand firm against Russia and compete with economic superpowers that no longer play by free-trade rules. Europe needs to create a union that is more integrated, better defended and more competitive—and never too reliant on the United States. Macron stressed that Europe can no longer rely on the United States alone for its security. “The United States has two priorities: the United States first and the China question second. The European question is not a geopolitical priority,” he said.

Spain’s leader is mulling his future while denouncing a ‘smear campaign’ against his wife (AP) Socialist Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez left Spain in suspense after announcing he may step down because of what he called an “unprecedented” smear campaign against his wife. Sánchez, who has been in office since 2018, stunned the nation Wednesday by announcing that he was canceling all official events until next week, when he will unveil his future plans. The announcement came hours after a Madrid provincial judge agreed to study allegations of corruption brought by a right-wing group against Sánchez’s wife, Begoña Gómez.

Ukraine pulls US-provided Abrams tanks from the front lines over Russian drone threats (AP) Ukraine has sidelined U.S.-provided Abrams M1A1 battle tanks for now in its fight against Russia, in part because Russian drone warfare has made it too difficult for them to operate without detection or coming under attack, two U.S. military officials told The Associated Press. The U.S. agreed to send 31 Abrams to Ukraine in January 2023 after an aggressive monthslong campaign by Kyiv arguing that the tanks, which cost about $10 million apiece, were vital to its ability to breach Russian lines. But the battlefield has changed substantially since then, notably by the ubiquitous use of Russian surveillance drones and hunter-killer drones. Those weapons have made it more difficult for Ukraine to protect the tanks when they are quickly detected and hunted by Russian drones or rounds. Five of the 31 tanks have already been lost to Russian attacks. The proliferation of drones on the Ukrainian battlefield means “there isn’t open ground that you can just drive across without fear of detection,” a senior defense official said.

China warns diplomatic ties with U.S. could face “downward spiral.” (AFP) U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken, on his second visit to China in less than a year, said he hopes for progress but has also raised concerns on areas of difference between the two countries, including Russia, Taiwan and trade. China, which has also been infuriated by President Joe Biden’s economic pressure, said relations between the world’s two largest economies are “beginning to stabilize,” but that “negative factors are still increasing and building.” China’s Foreign Minister Wang Yi warned Blinken that the U.S. should not “trample on China’s red line” on security, sovereignty and development.

Almost every Chinese keyboard app has a security flaw that reveals what users type (MIT Technology Review/Citizen Lab) Almost all keyboard apps used by Chinese people around the world share a security loophole that makes it possible to spy on what users are typing. The vulnerability, which allows the keystroke data that these apps send to the cloud to be intercepted, has existed for years and could have been exploited by cybercriminals and state surveillance groups, according to researchers at the Citizen Lab, a technology and security research lab affiliated with the University of Toronto. These apps help users type Chinese characters more efficiently and are ubiquitous on devices used by Chinese people. The four most popular apps—built by major internet companies like Baidu, Tencent, and iFlytek—basically account for all the typing methods that Chinese people use. Researchers also looked into the keyboard apps that come preinstalled on Android phones sold in China. What they discovered was shocking. Almost every third-party app and every Android phone with preinstalled keyboards failed to protect users by properly encrypting the content they typed.

“Politicians are not made of stone.” (BBC) Australian ex-Prime Minister Scott Morrison revealed to ABC News that during his time in office he reached points of pure exhaustion and struggled with anxiety. “Politicians are not made of stone, yet they're often treated as though they are, including by each other,” he said. He has shared on social media that he wants to “normalize” the act of asking for help when struggling with mental illness, even for people with jobs like his.

Israel could still force an exodus into Egypt (Washington Post) Amid a somber Passover in the Holy Land, a chilling reality remains: Israel could soon trigger an exodus into Egypt. For weeks, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has signaled his intent to launch a full-scale offensive into Rafah, the southern Gazan city that’s now home to more than a million Palestinians seeking safe haven in their war-ravaged territory. Netanyahu and his allies want to wipe out militant group Hamas’s footprint in the city—no matter the skepticism of experts who reckon the Islamist organization is far from defeated or the concerns of foreign diplomats and aid workers who fear the calamities for civilians that would follow the Israeli onslaught. A major move would trigger the frantic flight of hundreds of thousands of Gazans, many of whom arrived in the city after their homes and neighborhoods elsewhere in Gaza were pulverized by the Israeli military in its post-Oct. 7 war against Hamas. For months, there’s been speculation over whether Egypt would allow tens of thousands of Palestinians to flee to safety in the Sinai desert. Cairo is not keen to admit a refugee influx, given both its own internal security concerns and larger Pan-Arab worries that the Palestinians will be blocked from returning to their homeland like a previous generation of Palestinian refugees.

Flooding Inundates Kenya, Killing at Least 32 and Displacing Thousands (NYT) Days of heavy rains have pummeled parts of Kenya, leaving at least 32 dead, 15 injured and more than 40,000 people displaced, according to officials. They said that flooding had killed nearly 1,000 farm animals and destroyed thousands of acres of crops, with more rain expected across the country. The rains began in March during what is known in the country as the “long rains,” but precipitation intensified over the past week, according to the Kenya Meteorological Department. In Nairobi, where some of the heaviest rain has fallen, more than 30,000 people have been displaced, according to the United Nations. Edwin Sifuna, a senator in Nairobi County, said on social media that the local government there was “clearly overwhelmed,” and he called on the federal government for help.

South Africa will mark 30 years of freedom amid problems (AP) South Africa is gearing up for celebrations Saturday to mark 30 years of freedom and democracy. But much of the enthusiasm and optimism of that period has subsided as Africa’s most developed economy faces a myriad of challenges. They include widening inequality as the country’s Black majority continues to live in poverty with an unemployment rate of more than 32%, the highest in the world. According to official statistics, more than 16 million South Africans rely on monthly welfare grants for survival. Public demonstrations have become common as communities protest against the ruling African National Congress’ failure to deliver job opportunities and basic services like water and electricity. An electricity crisis that has resulted in power blackouts that are devastating the country’s economy added to the party’s woes as businesses and homes are sometimes forced to go without electricity for up to 12 hours a day.

[audio-luddite]

Tone Arms.

If you do Vinyl you need at least one. Depending on very many things you may have one that came with your brand name TT or you may have an aftermarket. To a great extent performance depends on compatibility with your phono cartridge / pickup rather than some absolute quality and expense.

So what do you get? It is simple if you buy a TT that has an arm.

All done time to spin it up!

It only gets complicated if there is an aftermarket or custom arm on your new toy.

SME Series III Very nice for a pivoting arm.

Back in the 70s and 80s lightweight arms were what you wanted for high compliance pickups. The most desirable aftermarket units were certain Grace or SME arms. There were many others. One common issue was dealing with warped LPs and lighter was better. But the paramount parameter was the mass as it related to your pickup. The best pickups of the day worked well with light arms.

The infamous Vestigal arm took vertical compliance to an extreme.

For high compliance pickups it worked pretty well. For a time the editor of TAS H.P. used this. Though if you understand resonances and such you may see several issues visible in the photo. I have one in a box with a broken pivot. They are cool in a way.

Over the years as high end audio preferred moving coil pickups heavy arms became desired and even required. The tracking force and compliance of that type need a certain mass to react against. As I do not care for moving coils I extend that to heavy arms. Enough said there.

I think that removable head shells are important.

It makes mounting and changing pickups much easier. If it is fixed in place you better have the steady hands of a Brain Surgeon. The type in the photo is a common and compatible style.

Inevitably I have to bring up pivoting versus tangential tracking. It is my thing. Why it is so is due to several technical issues which I will now describe.

Pivoting arms have two serious problems. Solutions to those range from poor to they can be lived with.

There is a lateral force on the pickup from the offset of the tangent friction vector to the pivot point that creates a moment about the pivot axis. This draws the pickup in towards the center of the LP. The magnitude of the force depends on geometry and the friction between the stylus and the LP. It can be compensated for by an "Anti-Skating" device which is set to approximate this lateral force. It is not a big force, but you have the pickup stylus leaning more on one side of the groove or the other. In pivoting arms it is never truly correct as the friction varies with the music intensity.

You can clearly hear this when it is not correct, as it often is with a pivoting arm.

To be frank many "experts" say the problem does not exist or is trivial. Hmmm cults are better than science.

This problem is non-existent in tangential arms as the offset in question is zero. This one thing justifies the tangential tracking method. But there is more.

The second problem is that the pickup is only at the correct angle with respect to the groove in at best two places in the arc for a perfectly adjusted pivoting arm. It is off everywhere else. The LP master is cut tangentially. It is better to follow the master don't you think?

I encountered a forum where an "expert" said "The number of problems inherent in any linear tracking table are too numerous to discuss here" and then slagged the concept. There are problems, but I am aware of several very effective methods to solve them.

There is at least one elegant and completely mechanical method to have an arm support accurately track tangentially. This was used in the HK Rabco TTs of the 70s and 80s. You can criticize the materials they used as some did not age well, but the tracking concept worked very well. I have one so I know this is true.

There are mechanical servo systems that move the arm based on a sensor. The drive can be a belt or a small cord, or in the case of my Phase Linear a linear magnetic motor drive. Bang & Olufsen used a drive belt. It works very well.

One method I do not care for, but it is in the marketplace are air bearing arms.

This is one of several where the arm rests on an air cushion and slides "frictionlessly" across the record. My problem is that it has to be perfectly level and the lateral driving force is from the pickup cantilever in the groove. Is not the whole point to get lateral force out of the equation?

There are also a few articulated arms that twist the head shell as it moves in the arc to maintain tangency. The old Garrards 100s for example and the newer Thales arms. Three issues there. One is there are extra pivots that reduce resistance to rattle. Two they are heavy and need the stylus to drive them. Three they still require anti-skating compensation. I call that a fail on all three counts.

For all this they all still work. Spin an LP and hear music.

It only gets tricky as you climb the way up that audiophile hill Mr Sisyphus.

[novaiya]

Arthur Morgan x Reader NSFW Alphabet

AO3 Link.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Arthur’s very lovey-dovey after sex. He’ll shower you in kisses and hold your body so close to his that you’ll feel his heartbeat. Affection is something he craves, and that hunger will only grow tenfold as the post-coital bliss washes over him. Falling asleep with you by his side, your naked body pressed against his, your head on his chest feels like home to him, where he can be free and safe.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He loves his arms and hands. Not only are they a powerful tool that he uses on the daily to kill, rob, and steal, they also come in handy (hehe) in the bedroom. He’ll run his hands all over your body, pinching, touching, twisting. The feeling of your skin under his fingers is intoxicating, and so is the knowledge that it’s his touch that can make you moan and writhe in pleasure.

When it comes to you, it’s hard for him to pick just one favorite aspect. He loves every part of you, from your legs, to your hips and your waist, to your breasts and of course your face. If he absolutely has to choose, then he’ll pick your waist. He feels content when he has his hand on your waist, bringing you close to him and feeling your body next to his, be it when the two of you are out, or simply sitting by the campfire in camp.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Loves coming inside of you, be it in your mouth or your pussy. There’s just something so intimate and romantic in the feeling of being enveloped by your warm walls as he reaches his own release.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes to be dominated from time to time. It’s easy to understand; Arthur always has to take the lead, be the protector and the leader of the gang, making sure the people are safe and fed. It’s a lot of responsibility, and it weighs heavy on his shoulders. Sometimes he just wants to let go and have somebody else be in control. This want seeps into your intimate life, and at first, he’s embarrassed to voice it. He’s so used to being the strong, masculine outlaw that he’s not sure how to be anything else but that. You sense that something is wrong, so after a lot of prying and kissing he relents and tells you what he’s been thinking. He’s expecting you to laugh at him and dismiss his thoughts as silly, but you don’t. You ask if that’s what he really wants, and he nods. The night takes a completely different turn, with you having your way with Arthur, taking control of his pleasures. You’ll have him on the edge, teasing him relentlessly only to not give him what he needs.

“You think you deserve to cum?” you’ll say, nipping at his ear. “Think you’ve been good?”

He’ll moan your name, bucking his hips towards you and say, “Please.”

“That’s Madame for you,” you’ll correct him.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

You wanna thank the woman (or women) who taught Arthur what he knows. From sucking on your clit, to hitting your G spot and nipping on your neck, the man knows every secret in the book that will have your toes curling and your eyes roll to the back of your head. Another great thing about him is that not only is he experienced, but he’s open to learning and trying something new. He’s not the type of man to get upset if you correct him on his technique. If you don’t like something and tell him to do it differently, he’s more than happy to correct himself. Your pleasure is more important than his ego.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

With you on your stomach and him on top, fucking you into the mattress. He loves the classic such as missionary and cowgirl during which he can see your face, but there’s something so intimate in being pressed so close against you, his chest touching your back.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Arthur is somewhere in the middle, leaning more towards serious. He can laugh during the process, but more often than not he’s concentrated, lost in pleasure and lust.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Arthur is hairy all over; from his head to his chest to his legs, and, well, there too. If it bothers you, he has no problem trimming down there, but he himself doesn’t care.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

During your love making (and it is love making, not fucking (thought that happens too sometimes)), he’s very romantic, making sure to tell you, “You’re so beautiful” and “I love you so much, darlin’.” He’ll shower your body in kisses, worshiping you like the goddess you are, kissing every inch of skin and murmuring praises and love confessions. The time you spend in each other's arms, bringing each other pleasure is not only about satisfying your carnal desires, it’s about being close, becoming one and showing just how much you love each other. It’s a process that neither of you want to rush, sometimes spending hours in each other’s arms, proving your love all. night. long.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

The two of you spend almost every waking hour together, but sometimes there are jobs that Arthur has to do alone (like bounty hunting or collecting debts). Some of those jobs are quick, and if he leaves in the morning he’s back in camp right before supper to spend the night with you. Others, however, can stretch for days, even longer if his destination is way out in the country. When he’s away from you for that long, taking himself in his hand is all he can do. He’ll wrap his fingers around his cock, starting with slow up and down movements, imagining it’s your hand and not his. He’ll bring to memory the image of your naked body under his, the sound of your voice moaning his name and the feeling of your walls spasming around him. If he’s alone, he’ll moan your name under his breath, his cock twitching in his hand as he’s nearing his release. With a cry of your name he’ll come, spilling himself on the ground, his hand working his cock to push every drop out.

It’s not the same as having you with him, that’s for sure, but it’ll have to do before he can have the real you in-front of him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Light bondage. He enjoys tying you up, like your hands behind your back or your hands to the bedpost. If the two of you are in a particular mood, he might even tie up your legs. After telling you his “dirty secret”, he enjoys being the one tied up as well. Both of you know he can get out of the ties easily, break the rope with just a flex of his muscles, but it’s the knowledge that he’s tied down and at your mercy that turns him on.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Somewhere that has a full sized bed (preferably a king sized one). As much as he enjoys the cozy atmosphere of his tent and the familiarity of his cot, it can be a bit annoying with two full sized adults trying to go at it on a bed that was made only for one person.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

He loves hearing you moan his name, the sound of it coming broken and shaky from your lips. Feeling your legs shake, your body writhe and your hands holding on to him for support is his biggest motivation to work harder to bring you to your release, wanting nothing more than to see you fall apart to his touch.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Degradation and physical abuse. A spank on your ass here and there is okay, and so is dirty talk, but nothing that crosses a line into actual degradation and physical abuse.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Homeboy loves getting his dick sucked. Having you on your knees with his cock in your mouth is one of the images that warms up his soul when he’s alone and away from you.

As far as giving, he enjoys it, and can spend hours between your thighs, lapping at your like you’re his last meal. He enjoys how you are when you’re nearing your release, your thighs shaking on his shoulders, your fingers holding on to his hair and holding him where you need him. Once your orgasm washes over you and you’re laying on the bed, panting, your eyes closed, he’ll emerge from between your legs, licking his lips, a satisfied smirk on them.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Arthur prefers slow, sensual lovemaking to rough and fast fucking any day of the week. He enjoys dragging his cock in and out of your pussy, the slow strokes driving you insane. His pace would be slow, but it would be deep and intense, making you see stars each time he hits a spot inside of you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

With how often Arthur has to go on jobs, quickies are a necessity in your relationship. Sometimes, he’ll only be in camp for an hour or two before heading back out, so as much as he’d love to pull down the flaps of his tent and ravish your body for hours on end, a quickie is all he can afford.

He’ll have you pinned to a tree on the outskirts of camp, his pants pulled down enough to pull out his dick, your skirt hiked up and your drawers pushed to the side. You’ll bite down on your fingers, trying to keep your moans at minimum as he pushes in you, his girth stretching you as it always does. It’ll be quick, dirty and sinfully delicious, and it will leave you craving more, waiting for Arthur to come back as soon as possible.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Arthur’s always game to try something new as long as it’s safe and both of you are on the same page.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Arthur can go all night long. The man has an implacable self control, and he can make you come countless times before cumming himself.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Arthur is a type of man that wants to do everything himself, be it cooking his own meals instead or ordering UberEats, or making you cum with his fingers instead of a vibrator. Personally, he doesn’t see a necessity for toys, but if it’s something you wanna try, he’s more than happy to use them.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

When he’s in a mood, Arthur can tease you ceaselessly. He’ll have you on the edge of orgasm for hours, making you think that he’s about to give you what you want, only to pull away at the last possible moment. You’ll be a shaking, moaning mess by the end of it, teetering on the edge of insanity and begging him to finally let you cum. He’ll smile that devilish smile, perhaps even cock his head to the side and take a moment to think before saying, “Nah,” and go back to teasing you for hours more.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

When the two of you are in camp, Arthur has no problem at keeping his volume to a minimum. He’ll grunt here and there, maybe let out a moan a few times, but nothing over the top, because he doesn’t want to bother other gang members. When the two of you are alone however, it’s a completely different story. The man moans. He lets out grunts, sighs and moans, but most of all, he lets out praises and comments.

“Shit, darlin’, you’re so tight,” he would grunt as he slips in your heat, “Gonna make me bust already.”

“C’mon, sweetheart,” he’d say as he circles your clit with his fingers, bringing you to your release for the unpteenth time that day, “I know you got it in you.”

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

The idea of you getting pregnant turns him on, a lot. The two of you are not actively trying to get pregnant, but the knowledge that he could do that to you, could put a baby in you and have you swollen and with a big belly because of him turns him on. When the two of you do decide to try for a child, he’ll be the one tracking your cycle and seeing which days you’re ovulating. On those days, you’ll barely leave the bed, only taking time to eat and relieve yourself before going back to making love in hopes of expanding your family.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Arthur’s hung. That’s all.

Jk, that’s not all. He’s long and thick, something that made a shiver run down your spine the first time you saw him naked. Even after being together for however long you were, his girth still manages to stretch you to your limits and need a moment to get used to. Arthur would never say it, but hearing you say, “You’re so big” gives him a high for hours and feeds his ego like nothing else.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Before getting in a relationship with you, Arthur’s sex drive was mediocre. He might’ve sought the company of working girls a couple of times a month, but that was more like scratching an itch and not doing it out of pure lust. After getting in a relationship with you however, well, that’s a different story. Just the sight of you walking through camp can set his mind on fire. He has a hard time keeping his hands off of you, and can be a big distraction when you have to work. If you’re game, he’ll have you multiple times throughout the day; in the morning, after lunch during your guard duty, at night in the tent. The man wants you all the time and he’s not shy to tell you so.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Arthur is the type of man to fall asleep with his face in your tits. As soon as he makes sure that both of you are clean and comfortable, he’s out. He’ll be scooping you up in his arms and snoring in no time (and so will you, because Arthur’s snores and his warm chest is better than any Melatonin)

[deepmochi]

♣︎ Black Moon Lilith Synastry: Aspects ♣︎

Disclaimer: One aspect doesn't mean "RED FLAG or BAD RELATIONSHIP", but it is something to have in mind. Synastry is more than one aspect.

♣︎Lilith in Synastry♣︎

>Read> Lilith would trigger issues in the other person, alright. Now, the degree of the trigger would depend on the aspect, sign, and person's trauma. I do not think or view Lilith's synastry as cute or bad. It will present the elements to overcome in the union. Relationships are not perfect, so you decide if this works for you or not. We, as humans, need to accept our partners and respect ourselves. Essentially, Lilith would show you your shadow self to your partner and vice versa.

Notes: For now, I will present the aspects only. Lilith is not the same for men or women. Okay. For men, Lilith is the type of woman they fear, but he is attracted to. She represents things he dislikes and likes but is ashamed of. For woman, she is Lilith so, she embodies Lilith's good and bad aspects (Shadow self).

This is my opinion; these are the overall vibes that I get with the aspects. Take what resonates.

Lilith conjuction /Sextile/ trine [Planet]

(Light energy)

This energy is lighter and easier to understand for both parties. Both can see it and decide to move on or what.

The Planet native will run from Lilith; Even though they seem compatible, the planet would see Lilith as shameless but attractive. One has control over the other, but it's a trap. The planet person will reveal his true self to Lilith, but they will not accept Lilith for fear. The challenge is to accept both are equals, not rivals. Also, the sexual energy is there, but the man wants to dominate Lilith.

For a man: his Lilith means he would see her as "his type" but find her as an equal and rival, which is the trigger. Does she is the same as me? No, I'm better than her. He knows he can control her but at what cost.

For a woman: she would see him (his Lilith) as a perfect partner for expressing her deepest desires, but she knows he would bound her. She knows he can hurt her; she is vulnerable in front of him and likes him too much, which is her weakness.

How to deal with it: Being adults and accepting that both have issues, yet they can make it. By using communication and understanding that both are humans. Vulnerability is okay.

Themes: vulnerability, pain, ego drive, mirroring, past traumas, competition, patience, and healing

Lilith Opposition [Planet]

(Semi heavy energy)

The problem is the feeling of misunderstanding; they are opposites, but the planet person likes or feels attracted to Lilith. They cannot understand each other without thinking that someone has to accept the other. It's like a debate between two parties with extremes, and they should find a middle ground like an academic debate. It's not about losing; it's about providing facts and finding a possible solution.

The middle ground is to accept the loss and come to terms. Mutual respect and empathy are required.

For a man: He will not say a word about it, but he would wait for the woman to come to him. He will see her as too different and maybe intense. Manipulation is a thing here; he wants to win her with lies. He does not accept the facts: he needs to give too.

For a woman: She would see all the man's "sins or flaws", but she will still like him. She knows he does not understand her so quickly, but she wants to try him. She feels like he ignores her needs and avoids her. The woman will give more than the man.

How to deal with it: Ignoring the ego, they need to evaluate the "good and bad aspects"; they need to choose the best option for the situation. It is not about dominance; it's about choosing what is better for them as a couple.

Themes: Discussions, disagreements, arrogance, aggressiveness, acceptance, and reflection.

Lilith Square

(heavy energy)

This energy is "I want to destroy you or set you free". They love and hate each other. One will stop for the other to continue. In fact, one tends to be hurt by the other. One may challenge the other person very often. Disbalance dynamic. They need to solve things with logic not fears, pain, or emotions.

For a man: His Lilith is judgy; he may fear the woman; he sees her behaviors as too much and erratic, yet he feels called to be with her. He is like that too. He may preach to "hate" her, but he dreams and fantasizes about her. His little dirty secret. His motto: destroy her or set her free.

For a woman: Lilith knows he dislikes her, but he wants to make her go nuts. It's a war and she wants to win. It is not easy because she will not stop. However, she may think she is better than him, but she would fall too. Her motto: destroy him or set him free; there is not a middle ground.

For example, his Lilith squares her moon, she would feel misunderstood and angry around him. He doesn't understand his emotions and hurt her. He know her weakness; Indeed, she would try to manipulate him to make him pay. Then, it became a cycle.

How to deal with it: Being honest and seeing each other without filters; both are imperfect so judging and attacking each other is not a solution.

Themes: disbalance, war, hypocritical, closed-minded, logic over emotions, extremes, compassion, and imperfection.

[amporella]

Just curious, not hating. Why do you ship K2? Any specific interactions between them or like just the dynamic?

Omg, this is such a good question, and for me, it's really both. I love their interactions in the show, but more than that, I love the dynamic you can derive from that! Consider the following snippets;

From both the above sequence and the below one, there's something to derive immediately; Kenny respects Kyle, more than their often far and few in between individual interactions in the show really display. So, why is that?

I think the main reason has to do with situation and how it relates to personality. They're both self sacrificial, intensely loyal people, with powerful morals and the ability to get up and put their money where their mouth is. I also think their respective roles within the town can lend themselves to a very unique relationship between the two of them, and this is just me going off the deep end with speculation, but I do think Kenny could (subconsciously) love and desire to protect Kyle from a young age, in part due to their situations.

There's something bittersweet, I think, about two people who really do live in vastly different worlds yet have developed the same passion and goodness, yet Kyle's situation grants him a little more naivete towards the world, at least in some ways. The worst thing Kyle's experienced within his family is fear of his mother, who is generally very good, while Kenny has to duck to dodge bottles and work tirelessly to support a family who can't (and often won't) grant him much in return. And that's not even going into Kenny's deaths and immortality, which clearly weighs heavy on his shoulders. When Kenny shouts at Kyle about not understanding his immortality, he's right. Kenny has an impossibly heavy burden that Kyle (despite having his own troubles, and many of them) will never have to bear. And that must foster such a sense of loneliness, especially in the scene below; Kyle is so well loved by Stan, no matter what sense you consider that as, but Kenny is so heartbreakingly alone. It's those kind of contrasts in situation that lead to their contrasts in personality, despite the two of them stemming from the same inherently good temperament.

The unique tragedy of Kenny's situation in general grants him a sense of introspectiveness that the average person may take much longer to develop. Due to all of that, I can see Kenny kind of wanting to cradle that spark of naivete in Kyle. He's oddly protective of him, and Kyle obviously trusts him to live up to that - in Jewbilee, Kyle has absolutely no doubt that Kenny's going to find a way to help them. He is putting his complete and utter trust in Kenny, and as a result, displaying a sense of vulnerability he rarely shares to anyone but Stan. He knows Kenny will save him - his deep trust in Kenny came earlier than any other kid's in the show. He knew that Kenny was trustworthy from the very start.

The point of all of this is that Kenny and Kyle's trust in one another indicates to me a much deeper connection (or even just a possible connection) than the show often shows. The episodes that center around the two of them and their relationship are oddly intimate, in a way? There's not a lot of episodes where Kyle and Kenny get a scene together in which they're alone, or the attention is solely on them, but when there is, the scene is often really personal. Kenny blows up on Kyle in a way he's never done before about his powers, a deeply personal aspect of himself. Kyle places his full and utter trust in Kenny in what could be a life or death situation. Kenny reveals his secret to Kyle, because he trusts that he won't tell a soul. Kenny and Kyle are two sides of the same coin - shockingly similar in values, yet heartbreakingly different in situation.

I think that kind of relationship is really interesting to explore, especially as they get older and develop into more concrete personalities. The potential purely personality based dynamic of flirty/annoyed about it is cute enough, but I think that they have even more potential than that, and I'd go so far as to say they understand each other in a way that genuinely competes with some more strongly established relationships on the show.

Thank you for the ask!

[husbandohunter]

Dear Father [Genshin Impact/Diluc x Reader]

Synopsis: Wherever you are wherever you may be, even if you are beyond my reach, I only wish to see you again. -from a letter lost in the wind.

(A story where you and Diluc somehow managed to meet Crepus)

Genre: all fluff

"I know how late I am to father's day but here's my father's day take on Genshin Impact! Just let Diluc be happy for once T_T Mihoyo pls."

============================

Discovering Master Crepus' old belongings was like wandering in a domain surrounded by ancient artifacts. Each piece holding the memory of someone you've never met.

The paintings. Master Crepus loved to paint. Typically birds were the main muse of this portraits since they deeply embodied Mondstadt's values for freedom which shows you how much he cherished this city just like his son did. In almost every hallway you walked through there was a collection of his paintings, some belonged to another artist but the majority was an original work. Diluc didn't have the heart to sell them.

Elzer. He was one of the oldest workers who served under the Ragnvindr name, ever since Master Crepus had appointed him during his earlier days. You were told that he treated everyone, both staff and noble, with equal respect. Almost all the denizens of Mondstadt knew this man for he was not only noble in riches but also in the soul.

"I'm sure he would have loved to meet you in person. Now that I think about it, you and Master Crepus are quite similar. Haha, it seems that Master Diluc was selective in terms of who he wanted for his future bride."

Elzer adds with a light chuckle but the statement only made you more curious. A man who affected the lives of so many others, he must have been a wonderful person.

Diluc. The bloodline Master Crepus left behind after his death, a piece of himself and the heir to the whole wine industry, his son Diluc. Although you could see the resemblance in appearance, both of them were men of prinicples and values, putting Mondstadt first before anything else and you suddenly realized if that was the reason why Diluc was so protective of this city. As if, it were everything he had? You could tell he loved Master Crepus very much, not because he said so, rather the painful expression buried deep within his crimson glare whenever someone brought up the topic. Diluc was skilled in hiding himself, it's something he practiced over the years of working alone, though he lowered his guard as long as you were the only one present.

Even so, he had many conflicts still wringing him internally and you didn't want to push him until the day he felt ready to personally tell you himself.

But it would be nice if he opened up, just a little bit.

There were times when you would worry since Diluc had the tendency to hide his feelings for the sake of not troubling you. He wanted to keep life simple and bright, bringing the best to the table while making sure that you lived safely out of harm's way. You couldn't seem to get him to understand that as lovers, you would be happy to help him, in anything. Unconditionally. It was natural for you to feel the need to force yourself in every once in a while and there was nothing more you wanted to know than the story of the man who raised him.

You would even jest on the idea of what it fel like to meet Master Crepus in person. Were you able to reach his standards by any chance? Would he have liked you just as everyone claimed? Of course, they were only silly indulgent thoughts so you quickly dismissed them in the end. Bringing back the past was impossible no matter how badly you wanted it. You closed your heart on that possibility.

On a lovely evening, while you and Diluc were taking your time off Angel's Share to make a stroll around Mondstadt's quiet streets, a strange merchant called over to you. She displayed various antiques ranging from different sizes to designs, none of them seemed to haven been carved in the same place but distinct cultures throughout Teyvat. The only thing they had in common was that they were all equally beautiful to the eye.

However a particular item of what looks like to be a heart locket snatches your attention and you instantly became mesmerized, allured by it's mysterious charm.

"Ah, the locked heart caught your fancy, my lady? It's said once you open it, you will be set free."

"It's magnificent..." you muttered, staring unabashed at the shining surface.

Diluc who was observing from behind folded his arms and tilts his head, "How much is that?"

Although you intended to simply inspect the choices, your lover immediately offers to pay. They all already gave the impression of a hefty price and you didn't want him to spend his fortune on things that deemed unecessary. Still, this wasn't the first time it happened. Diluc would always insist whenever you protested against him from buying anything, it was just a way of expressing his affections towards you. Mora was never a problem and you were priceless. That's how he sees things. You had to remind yourself to be careful when stumbling upon a bustling area full of salesmen next time.

"Five hundred thousand mora."

He purchased it without hesitation.

On your way home, Diluc noticed that something was amiss. You couldn't tear your gaze from the locket as if it had hypnotized you by the golden smooth surface. He had to ensure you didn't run into anyone by accident, tugging your arm closer so that it gave him an opportunity to lead you where you yourself could not. Surely it must have been the appearance but instead of being drawn by, you were drawn in. Completely.

I wonder...what will happen if I open it?

"(Y/n)?" Diluc narrows his eyebrows together. Did you like it that much? No, he knew you weren't the type to be so etranced by jewelry, this was certainly different. Even the merchant seemed a little suspicious when she approached you and Diluc couldn't ignore the heavy sense of aminosity that was emitted around her aura. He couldn't think within her presence but now that his mind was much clearer, he was able to use his skillful judgements.

"Wait...! Don't open it yet-"

However, he was too late.

The wind picks up at an alarming speed and you both brought up your arms to block the debris that had flown in the way. They swirled in non-stop motion until your worlds were engulfed with not even the sky in sight. Amidst the turmoil Diluc latchest onto you and holds your body close his chest as he was determined to protect against any force that dared to hurt you. Something heavy knocks his head and he winces, tighting his hold even further. Your voice could hardly be heard with all the noise that rung around and eventually you discovered the the world wasn't disappearing. You both were.

The last thought you had was the image of Master Crepus and you didn't know why.

---

"Diluc? Diluc?"

He faintly heard his name through a series of echoes. Diluc fights to regaind concousness, feeling your grip upon his shoulder while trying to urge him awake.

"Diluc are you alright?"

Your worried face was the first thing he sees other than the fog that looms above. Diluc blinks a few times in an attempt to ease his migraine, using one arm to force his body into a seating position as he allowed himself to be supported by you at the same time.

"Does your head hurt?" You ask, palming gently against his forehead to feel the heat. Even if her was usually very warm, there was no unusual rise in tempurature, something must have hit him instead, "Here, maybe this will help."

Bringing out your hand you concentrated on generating the water through your fingertips. Having a hydro vision meant you were capable of healing magic which Diluc appreciated since he often came home late at night with injuries hidden behind his sleeves. But nothing came out and he became even more suspicious of the situation.

"Eh? What's going on?" You blurted out, patting down your clothes and your pockets, "My Vision, it's gone too!"

"Mine as well," Diluc flexes his fingers to test his own element, "It seems that our powers were sealed once we entered this domain."

"A domain that prevents you from using a Vision? That doesn't sound very comforting," you scratched your head, suddenly remembering the cause of your current problem, "The locket...it's all starting to make sense now. Ugh, I should have listened to you earlier, I'm sorry Diluc."

"No (Y/n), you don't have to apologize," he interjects and you returned a curious glance, "I should have stopped you the minute I discovered there was something strange. I was too careless."

"You felt that too? I thought I was the only one," your tone and face mimics one of surprise. The fog continues to dance around, enclosing the two of you to the small area. You lifted your head and looked above in deep contemplation, "When I saw the locket I couldn't tear my eyes off of it, like something was pulling me in. Like...there was a spell casted on it."

"What do you mean?" he asked in an inquisitive manner.

You nod, "I can't put my finger on it bit Ifel that the locket wanted me to..." balling your fist upon your lap, you stared intensely at the floor as if drilling holes into them while digging into the depths of your mind for any specific clues. Initially you thought the locket was so captivating that you were simply charmed by it's craftmanship. But tere was more than that, you began deciphering, there was also a need for fulfillment. A yearning desire, "to know. The locket was calling me to know."

'Once you open it, you will be set free.'

"To know..." you trailed off. How strange. No matter how much you tried to rationalize, you were always brought back to the same square as if the locket knew exactly what you wanted. What you were lacking. Because the one thing you wanted to know most about was the person you've never met, "Someone very important to you."

The fog dispersed.

Diluc instinctively puts an arm in front of you defensively as he scanned his quick and thorough eyes around the area. It didn't take long for him to know exactly where everything was. In fact, the abrupt change isn't what puts him on high alert, but it was how familiar everything looked to the point he evaluates if there was any reason to be skeptical or if he should be breathtaken.

"What a beautiful house," However you didn't recognize it. Diluc knew because he had yet to meet you during the time he lived in this estate, "I wonder who does it belong to?"

"Father's old mansion...how?" Diluc breatlessly mutters, as if seeing the supremecy of Celestia for the first time. When years passed after his father died, he chose to sell off the majority of his belongings, the mansion being on for example. Currently it was in the possession of a well-known business associate that used to be a friend of Crepus. The mansion would likely have looked much different due to the renovations it gone through but Diluc remembers the picture as if this were yesterday. Everything was in tact. The vine yard, the gazebo where they drank tea, the hill that he and Kaeya used to race on when they were kids-

Revelation burns in his pupils as his eyes expanded.

"Welcome home, my son."

Both you and Diluc fall wordless at the sight that appeared like a miracle's blessing. Crepus stands at a distance, the graceful smile complimenting his warm features. He looked exactly how the court artists portrayed him in the Ragnvindr's family picture. Sharp face with gentle eyes and an aura that was as pleasant as what Elzer described.

"So this is why the locket was calling to us," you whispered, "I guess the mora really was worth it after all."

"...Fa...ther...."

You snuck a glance at Diluc. From behind the resemblance was as clear as dawn, like you were staring at a carbon copy of Master Crepus himself. Almost. He was a less hardened version of Diluc during uncommon situations. It made you think just how much you didn't know before his father passed away. What kind of person was this man during his days as a knight? You never had the chance to know.

"Father is that really you?" Diluc couldn't help his voice from trembling, paralyzed in place when he could hardly make sense of what stands in front of him. The person he longed to hear from, the person who left the world too quick, Diluc was afraid to get his hopes up in case his father suddenly disappeared and everything was just an illusion conjured by his mind. He was already used to being betrayed and dealt with disappointment too often. Which is why he learned to trust only himself. But, right now, can he really trust himself?

Feeling your hand gently on his shoulders, Diluc was brought back to reality. You smiled with warm reassurance that bled into your voice, "It's okay Diluc. Go, I'm here for you."

There was the faintest light shining in his eyes as emotions swell in his chest. Ever since you came Diluc never had to feel alone anymore, truly, you were the light that was brought back into his eyes, to his life when he gave up the thought of seeing it again. If he couldn't trust himself then at the very least, he could trust you.

"Thank you," he embraces you wholly like you were everything, and you were, before letting go and taking off to the otherside.

The air hits him in a rush and knocks the ones out of his lungs, "Father!" Diluc yells with tearful eyes. For the first time in a long while he was finally letting his feelings run free, "Father!" A name that felt foreign upon words that is pushes him forward, wanting to claim the truth that was smiling from afar.

"Father!"

Crepus lifted his arms and openly catches Diluc when he crashed into him. Here. He was here. He certainly was.

"Haha its been a while hasn't it my son?" He begins, encasing Diluc in a hug like he did the day he turned eighteen. Crepus was a tall man and his genes seemed to have went through. Back when they were younger, Diluc managed to only reach the blade of his shoulders, just barely. Now they were practically the same height, "Look how much you've grown over the years. There were so many things I planned to say but I don't know where to start."

Seven years. That was how long Crepus spent alone with his thoughts. He saw what happened through that time span, the truth about the Knights and Kaeya's origins. To say that none of that bothered him would be a lie. Especially when his son was the most impacted throughout all the events.

"Father I...I-" Diluc tries to speak but the words dissolved the moment it reached his tongue. He wasn't the type to be very good at expressing emotions. None of it could simply be communicated by sentences. For him, actions spoke louder yet somehow, they still wouldn't be enough. Nothing can comprehend the weight of seven years.

Crepus seemed to have understood and fills in the gap instead, "I have also missed you and Kaeya. More than I can even say. It must have been so hard for you both to endure it all by yourselves. Life hits us when we least expect it but despite that, you still chose to persevere."

Diluc clenches his hold, face buried in his shoulders and mouth quivering as he barely answers, "Yeah."

"You're both my pride and joy no matter what happens, as a father I cannot be more proud," before knowing, everything that was said came out naturally from his spirit. Crepus may have his own set of things to share but he knew what Diluc needed the most, "So please don't stop relying on one another, don't always think that you have to do everything alone. Stength is a virtue. However, its okay to let go and allow new people to come into your life. I don't need to be avenged, as long as you and Kaeya are happy, its all I ask for."

As if the world had been lifted from his shoulders, Diluc allows himself to break just this once. On the outside, he was known to be an unstoppable force, the Mondstadt tycoon, the uncrowned king and a hero who serves at night. But here you saw only a boy who dearly missed his father as he hugs him tightly. Although you couldn't hear their conversation clearly, just watching them from where you stood was enough to make your eyes glisten from pure happiness.

"You finally chose to open your heart, right Diluc?" You quietly note to yourself, "You don't have to carry everything by yourself anymore, you're free."

'Once you open it, you will be set free.'

He was able to dwell in this one in a lifetime experience, all because you unlocked the heart and dispersed the fog inside.

They spent a good amount of minutes bringing the distance back together after being seperated for so many years. You made sure to make minimal movements in the consideration of their time. It was only temporary until Crepus noticed you standing in the distance and he gave you a quick glance. Your whole body tenses in response, suddenly feeling guilty as if you were a third wheel who didn't belong in the moment between two family members.

He's staring at me. Diluc's father is staring at me! Your thoughts panicked along with your thrumming heart. What should I do?!!

"I see you've brought someone along with you," He comments, the playfulness rising in his tone, "She seems to have been waiting for quite a while already. If you don't mind, may you do the honours of introducing her to me?"

Diluc turns to see you stiffened in place with your hands tightly clasped below your stomach and heat pooling from your ear to your cheeks as you dipped your head down. His father was a kind man and he couldn't understand there the discomfort came from, yet found it endearing nonetheless. Diluc walks over to you and extends his hand, silently urging you to come with him. You complied, albeit hesitantly at first.

"It'll be okay my love," he whispered softly, causing you to be taken aback by the nickname he called you by. Diluc often reserves them for special instances and this was one of them, "Whatever the staff told you about my father, they're the truth. Trust in their judgement. Trust in me."

"Diluc..." you say, voice fading. You knew him to be someone who always kept his word and someone who would never lie to you. Taking in a short breath, you nodded, "Alright, I will," and followed his lead.

There was once a time where you indulged in the idea of facing Master Crepus in person. But never did you prepare yourself for the amount of pressure it came with. Now that you were together with his son, there was a high chance that he would also become part of his family too, sooner or later. You weren't just meeting Master Crepus. You were also meeting your future father-in-law.

"Father, this is (Y/n)," Diluc starts the welcoming exchanges. You felt his hand squeeze yours gently. He turns to you so that you caught glimpse of his face, seeing the reverance in his gaze that was hinted among his handsome features, "She's the woman I fell in love with and I would do anything to make her happy. I cherish her more than anything else."

"D-Diluc!" you flushed, your embarassment as red as his own hair. But he wasn't bothered by it in the slightest.

"I only speak the truth."

Master Crepus lets out a content chuckle, drawing both of your attentions back to him, "He can be surprising poetic sometimes but I'm sure that he got it from me. Even my wife reacted the same way," he reminisced shortly before sighing, "In truth I already knew that you were together. Staying in the after life gave me the chances to watch things from an omniscient standpoint, I was sincerely worried how Diluc would handle things when I suddenly left, I hope you don't mind. If you do, I apologize for making you uncomfortable."

"N-Not at all!"

"Haha, you're very kind. Thank you. I'm glad that my son was able to find a woman like you to be his fated partner. As a parent, it brings me great reassurance," Crepus remarked, "I know he can be stubborn and a little too headstrong when it comes to making decisions. It really must be a handful for you to deal with at times but I promise you that he means well. So please continue to watch over him in my stead, take care of my son while I'm gone."

"You can count on me," you beamed, "I'll give it my all."

"You have my gratitude (Y/n)," Crepus replies and turned to Diluc, "And listen to her every once in a while. I may have been the previous owner of our wine industry but even I always make sure to get me sufficient amount of rest. Son you know its bad to get two to three hours of sleep every day."

You blinked, "Two to three hours?"

Diluc clears his throat, "I understand Father. You don't have to say it."

Oh I think he does.

With a satisfied grin, Crepus took both of your hands together in his and gave you his blessings. The man once considered to be an artifact through the vast mansion was going to be part of the memories in your life. All of your expressions held as much happiness as the future can become now that he gave you the closure you both needed.

[fullmetalpotterhead]

Hello, I had some more HuaLian thoughts...

Even in terms of being expressive, they're opposites. Xie Lian, through the years, has learned to smile and keep most of his thoughts to himself even when it might be good for him to rather speak up (and also because he IS kinda unhinged which would be something they both have in common)

Anywayyy, there's Hua Cheng on the other hand, who feels everything rather intensely and expresses it the same way. Where honesty is requiree, he speaks, no filters. (I can't imagine the restraint he must have had to contain his simping around Xie Lian, though) He may or may not understand everything he may feel but he sits through it anyway.

Xie Lian seems to be helpless when he's confronted with his feelings? (Idk if that makes sense) But the way he was bawling his eyes out in the end in THE chapter without caring about anything else just goes to show how hard he fell for Hua Cheng.

It seems like my thoughts are all over the place... Oops

I am lapping up your thoughts like a thirsty puppy on a hot day. Furthering your thoughts with my thoughts in the read more because saying things around me a dangerous game to play

I think Hualian are actually so interesting about being open/closed off.

Because like yes XL has mastered his customer service face but also HC is incredibly good at reading him anyways, at watching for any little tells of anything wrong and adjusting accordingly and I think because of that XL really feels like he can rely on and open up to HC

The problem is XL has no practice doing that. Even more he kind of closed off emotionally XL didn’t really complain about his feelings or open up. He was the shining crown Prince. He was a young god. He was expected to know things and be the bigger person and mostly he was! But he’s old enough now to realize when he needs help. He’s just not practiced in receiving in. He’s not practiced in letting himself feel his feelings and HC recognizes that.

HC works really hard to make it explicitly clear to XL that he can be vulnerable around him, that it doesn’t make HC think any less of him, that the chance to soothe his god is an honor! And that’s new for XL but he does trust his husband and cries for him and tries to make an effort to find words for the desires and pains he usually masks.

And HC is so honest! He will honestly tell you how much he hates you or loves you and all the terrible things he’s done but he also shys away from showing actual weakness. There’s this thing some people do that’s like Repression+ where when you first meet them you’ll be struck with how open and honest they are about their feelings and trauma. But over time you realize they actually aren’t. They’re coming out with the heavy/honest stuff they want to tell you and appearing transparent because they can control the narrative that way. They don’t have to actually open up about what hurts them because you think they already did, but really they just gave you a surface level snapshot. It holds other people at arms length.

HC doesn’t hide his feelings. There is nothing subtle about the way he interacts with XL, he never acts while he’s in disguise, he openly tells people how he thinks their trash. But he has a very hard time being vulnerable. He draws inward when he’s upset about XL’s pain. He hesitates to show XL the temple, he tries to essentially run away from the conversation about the cave of ten thousand gods. He doesn’t even ever tell XL he ascended, Guoshi does.

HC is honest, but he’s very much in control of the narrative he’s projecting. And XL understands that and doesn’t pry more than he has to. XL is patient and encouraging and by the end of the book we find out XL has helped HC feel at liberty to shamelessly ask for what he wants more often.

XL hides his emotions to the point he doesn’t know how to express him, so HC remains steady, stable, and gives just enough of a push that XL can help find what he needs to express his wishes.

HC flaunts his emotions while hiding all the soft spots he’s most attached to so no one can use them to hurt him, so XL is patient, gentle, and reassures the lost inner cursed child HC has that he’ll be loved and accepted no matter what.

The heart of their relationship is based on their mutual enjoyment of each other’s company and this space to be vulnerable they’ve crafted for each other and I just *screams*

[thatadhdfeeling]

The differences between HYPERFOCUSING and HYPERFIXATING

Tl;dr: Hyperfocusing is intense, uncontrollable concentration that can be productive and/or harmful. Hyperfixating is an obsession that can take up a lot of time, effort, and money, but is suddenly dropped. Both of these are common experiences with ADHD and other disorders, and hyperfixation can be mildly felt by neurotypical people, but to a lesser extent and far less frequently.

Hyperfocusing

is the state in which your attention is solely focused on the current task. This could be as simple as filing a nail, or as complex as reorganizing a room. It could be a minute, or several hours. And I don't mean this task is your main focus, I mean it's your ONLY focus.

Nothing else in the world exists to you. People struggle to interrupt and grab your attention. Time isn't a construct you understand anymore. Your nervous system stops sending alerts to your brain about physical symptoms. Hunger and a full bladder don't exist. Being in pain from not moving or muscle aches from heavy lifting aren't a recognizable thing.

It can be dangerous. When your body doesn't recognize hunger and you forget humans need to eat, you can cause digestion issues, low blood pressure, low brain oxygen levels, heartburn, etc. When your body doesn't tell you to stop and go pee, you can cause UTI or bladder infections and fevers. It is not a choice, it's not just working through lunch, and it's not just being super interested in something (although 99% of the time hyperfocusing is related to a task you find interesting).

Once you come out of the hyperfocusing state or are successfully interrupted, executive dysfunction tends to sink in and returning to that task is almost impossible. And everything hurts! It hurts to pee. It hurts to not eat. No time to prepare food, only to eat the food. You can feel very faint and confused due to lack of brain oxygen levels and lost perception of time. It's honestly not a fun experience to come out of. But you can get a lot of detailed work done while hyperfocusing! Hopefully something useful, but as it's not a choice of what on or when it happens, it isn't always productive.

Hyperfixating

is being obsessed with something. Could be anything. Learning a new skill, picking up a new (or old) hobby, an object, a person, a TV show.... Anything. But it's not just liking this thing a lot. It's an obsession.

Spending hours doing or researching or practicing or reblogging about it, even during inappropriate times. Sneaking it or something you can use to look it up with into work or school. Risking a lot to immerse yourself with it. Constantly thinking about it. Dreaming about it. And possibly hyperfocusing on it.

Everyone can enjoy a hobby or be a fan, but this isn't just enjoying it, it's obsession. It's the craving for that dopamine hit as though it were a drug. You find yourself spending so much money on it, and you're convinced it will last for a long time. You have this overwhelming desire to share it with the world. You'll tell your friends and family about it. Show them. Try to get them involved. Have your entire world surrounded by this hyperfixation by inserting it into every part of your life.

And then it's gone.

There's no warning, no getting bored period, no slowly becoming disinterested. You wake up one day and you don't care any more. It's over. It might come back in a few months or years, but more often than not it doesn't. And this can be a very low period. You feel incredibly dissatisfied and bored, but nothing fills that void. Nothing compares to the feeling of the thing you hyperfixated on, including the thing itself. It's like finishing a book or show and not knowing what to do with yourself after. When people ask you how it's going with that project or interest, it feels like a walk of shame to admit you haven't touched it for a very long time and no longer want to. That you spent so much effort and time and money on it and told yourself and everyone else that you weren't going to get bored of it. But you did.

And then the next hyperfixation comes along...

Hyperfocusing and hyperfixations are two common symptoms neurodivergent people experience. Mostly found in those with ADHD, but can be seen in other disorders as well (I believe autism is one of them. I am not autistic, I can't speak for members of the autism community on this). Both hyperfocusing and hyperfixating have their pros and cons, and neither can be controlled or started/stopped at will. The subject matter is also not a choice. Many neurotypical people experience times of intense focusing or obsessions with interests, but not quite to the same extent as often. Neurotypical people can mildly hyperfixate, but it tends to be for a longer time and usually includes a more gradual decline of interest. Some people are able to turn careers into it. If you are neurotypical and truly hyperfixate on something, congratulations, you've discovered your passion. But for someone with ADHD, they may struggle with this, as the hyperfixation can stop suddenly after a shorter time so they can't use it to help with career advancement. These are things that take over the lives of neurodivergent individuals. People have lost jobs over it, gone bankrupt over it, caused health problems because of it.... It's not just something everyone experiences. Neurotypical people can, but it's rarer and less intense. ADHD isn't a lack of attention, it's the inability to regulate it. So while we struggle to maintain focus, we also struggle to stop focusing at times.

If you know someone who's neurodivergent and tells you about these experiences, just listen. Let them teach you about their interest. Let them passionately talk to you about it. If they are hyperfocusing, follow up with them later. Even if they responded to a question during that period, double check if it's important to make sure they remember. Prepare them food ahead of time. Let them know if it's been hours since they got up and walked or went to the bathroom. Don't shame them for dropping an interest, or tell them their hyperfixation is annoying. Understand that they can't control hyperfocusing. Care for them, because they'll need it.

I don't speak for everyone with ADHD, this is just me trying to explain the differences and how strong they can be. I don't speak for anyone else, neurotypical or neurodivergent. Yes, everyone experiences these symptoms sometimes, but not everyone experiences them to the same extent and less frequently. That's why disorders are classified as they are. Please see my "Why saying everyone has ADHD is harmful" and "Disorder and disability aren't bad words" posts. I also have no sources, just personal experiences and what I have been explained by my therapist (who also has ADHD) and other neurodivergent people. So hey, I could be wrong. I'm always open to education, and wish for the world to understand that neurodivergent people are different, and that's not a bad thing!

[after-witch]

The Pain Sweeps Through [Yandere Jareth x Reader]

Title: The Pain Sweeps Through [Yandere Jareth x Reader]

Synopsis: 

You’re not the first one he’s brought into the Goblin King’s Labyrinth. You’re not the first one to best him, to get to the center and beat him at his own game. But you are the first one to beat him and give in: “Fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave.” What happens when the magic fades, and you’re left with is the muddled consequences of your decision? 

Word Count: 2550

Notes: yandere, kidnapped, drugging, mentions of noncon

You hate the ballroom. You hate the gowns and the glitter and the music. You hate all of it. 

How long have you been here? Time is fuzzy and of no consequence here, and the clock--you’ve planted yourself in front of it, staring--never behaves as it should. The novelty of the whites and golds and pinks of the ballroom, of the swirling dancers and their impossibly endless stamina, has long worn off. Well before this particular peach, well before this particular ball, spinning and swirling together like rainwater down a drain.

The gown that you once admired, that once had you blushing and twirling in its beauty and delicacy and shimmering glitter, weighs your shoulders down. The delicate glass-like heels refuse to budge from your feet, though no one will ever dance with you--a grin and a laugh is all you got, when you dared to ask--but they still feel sore from your wandering, your half-hearted spinning and attempts to lose yourself in the dream, all the same.  

Everything, everything is sore. Your body and your head and your heart. The room feels fuzzy, not unlike the skin of a peach. Fuzzy and unreal and disorienting. And you’re so, so lonely. 

The people here are dreamlike and blurry, talking amongst each other in giggling whispers, which is the most you’ve gotten out of them. Laughter. Do they mock you? Or are they trapped in some fugue-like state, unable to do anything but drink and dance and laugh?

Perhaps you’re not the only one here who has bitten peaches.

The clock in the corner strikes, but when you glance at it, its hands are winding aimlessly. There Is no hour and you’ve been here forever, it seems, and you might be here forever still.

All you can do is wander, your glass heels clicking against the ballroom floor, dodging the dancers who swirl or gather to sip champagne that flows freely. Wander and think, because getting lost in the haze makes you terrified that you might become one of them, unable to do anything but laugh and dance and your feet will be even more sore.

Which is more sore, you wonder--your body or your heart?

It doesn’t hurt much, anymore, to try to think about your friends and family only to realize that their faces and voices and actions are foggy and lost. They are loose memories that you can never grasp tightly onto.

But the loneliness is something you can grasp, and often do, feeling it keenly and sharp in your stomach. You feel his absence keenly, too, in the wake of no better company--here or there or anywhere. When you’re in the castle or in this ballroom or trapped in another fantasy.

When you’re in the castle (you admit, you miss its stone walls and the open windows of his throne room and even your room, oppressive though it was) you are often left to your own devices while Jareth does what he does. The goblins are stupid, and only want to roughhouse with each other.  You aren’t allowed outside of the castle, so any entertainment or companionship you might obtain with others--assuming they didn’t hate you, assuming Jareth hadn’t killed them or tossed them into some oubliette to rot forever after assisting you into the center--is impossible.

And so Jareth is the only one you can have a conversation with; the only one who isn’t half-there.

Not that you openly pine for his companionship, either.

What started out as a nervous acceptance of his offer, a buzzing in your head and body that reminded you of your first sips of champagne, had dulled down too swiftly. You were his queen, yes. He was your slave, perhaps. But to a point--to a point.

You remember the first time he led you to your chambers, a near replica of your bedroom at home, albeit with a few twists: such as a closet stuffed with the most sumptuous clothing you’d ever imagined, some of them literal recreations of gowns you’d drawn in your notebooks or pinned to your wall.

It was beautiful and too much and all for you. And then he’d kissed you goodnight so gallantly and you’d sat nervously on the end of your bed. But when you tried to leave, the door wouldn’t budge. It was stuck, fast. You knocked. No one answered. You walked backwards to your bed and crawled under the covers and thought, maybe, this was a dream, and when I wake up I will be at home.

You woke up in your room, with the sequins of ballgowns winking at you from the closet.

When the door swung open and he stood there, dressed more modestly than you’d seen him before, you inquired about the door; ever so quietly, politely, unsure, nervous and realizing with the clarity of sleep that he was a goblin king and you were just some nobody who had agreed to give up the world and family and friends and your sister, safe at home he said, but did he tell you the truth? And he threw his head back and laughed ignored your question. 

He told you to pick a gown for breakfast. A gown at breakfast seemed an impossible choice and perhaps he read your mind because he took one out for you, a pale green gown with sparkling puffy sleeves, and you hoped you wouldn’t get food on them. Did it matter if you did? The realization of who you were and where you were seemed to hit you again and again. 

But as you dressed and as he adorned your neck with an emerald necklace, you were feeling better, a little less nervous, a little more excited. Your dreams--here they were, laid out in front of you like a feast. You were in a castle, you had anything you wanted apparently at your fingertips. And a king to hand it to you, his touch both gentle and firm as he took your arm like a gentlemen and led you into the hall.

As your own door shut behind you, you caught sight of it: a heavy, gilded padlock on the outside of your door, the padlock that had kept you from budging it the night before. Your stomach dropped.

“Why is that there?” You’d asked, looking up at him. He smiled, and it was not exactly a nice smile, you realized. 

“To keep my queen inside her chambers. What else are locks in castles for?”

Your cheeks felt heated, and you’d blurted out--oh the memory of it makes you feel stupid, now--”If I’m your queen, you can’t just lock me up in my room.”

He stopped. His arm around you tensed and it made your heart speed up.

“Can’t I?” It was all he said, practically murmuring as he looked down at you. Then he’d continued, and you stumbled for a moment before following him in silence.

You had no words to answer him.

Fear him, love him, obey him; the words on loop echoed in your head as he led you to a dining chamber, bustling with goblins who tripped over themselves carrying trays and goblets to and fro. You barely remember sitting at the ornate, carved chairs in front of a haphazard meal--how well could goblins cook?--or the way Jareth insisted on giving you cup after cup of wine. 

You barely remember the way the day seemed to jump by, and after dinner your head felt heavy and then there was a bed underneath you, his bed, large and sumptuous. The smell of peaches was in the air and your dinner gown, pink and velvet and scented like roses, bunched up underneath you as he was above you.

The days after that were often blurry. You asked to take it back, you asked to go home. He refused and locked you in your room. You asked to just be let outside the castle, at least, and inquired about the friends you’d made in the labyrinth. He refused and locked you in your room. He fed you peaches. He sat by your bed, petting your hair as your head swum in dreams, waiting to pull you out whenever he deemed it suitable.

Ah.

You’re lost again, lost in memories, when you’re suddenly in someone's grip and spinning,  your back instinctively leaning as you twirl.

“Did you miss me?”

It’s Jareth, of course. No one else would touch you. He’s wearing a suit made of embroidered purple velvet, and when you glance up you see that he’s chosen makeup to match. And glitter, of course, always glitter. You swear you can see it flying off him as you dance, as he sparkles as much as anything else in the room.

His grip on you is familiar and firm, and when he spins you around the weight of this dream-like room seems to lessen. Your shoulders feel lighter and the glass around your feet doesn’t feel like it might break and shatter into a million pieces.

Your mind aches to talk to him. To have a conversation with a person, not a laughing caricature. To hear him ask about your favorite books, ones you didn’t own, so he could procure them. To listen to him tell you about those who didn’t make it through the labyrinth--though you hated these stories, grim as they were, and he stopped telling them. To cross your arms nervously and murmur out your fantasies at his behest, things you’d always wanted to see or do; unicorns and fairies (though you’d seen them before the castle, and they bit you) and jousts (not quite as gallant, with goblins as the knights) and anything else your heart desired.

You might tell him this. You might tell him that you did miss him, because without him you’re a heavy, aimless dancer stuck in this room that you hate with people that don’t view you as human and are they people at all? You might tell him that you do appreciate what he’s done for you, the gifts and gowns and dreams, but that you wish he wasn’t so commanding towards you, wasn’t so demanding of you. You might tell him that his passion confused you and his kisses were too intense and you don’t understand why he wants you, why anyone wants you.

You might tell him, yes, I missed you, please take me out of here and take me with you.

You might tell him this.

Stubbornness wins out.

“No,” you say, ignoring the ache in your feet. “I was just bored.”

He chuckles, but he’s not amused.

“And here I thought you wanted to join me in the castle.” He releases you from his grip with a final flourish, and the endless dancers around you begin to push in, separating you two in their increasing mania.

“Well, if you didn’t miss me, I’ll let you get back to your ball.”

The music swells with his words, as he backs way, disappearing among the nameless throng of guests.

It might be weeks before he shows up again, and instantly, stubbornness loses.

“Wait!” You push against the moving wall of people, their tulles and sequins scratching your arm, their heels stepping on your toes. Someone laughs, a barking, harsh laugh.

Through sheer force of will, you reach him, grabbing the end of a velvet sleeve and gripping it tightly with your fingers.

“Please,” you beg. “Don’t leave me.”

You see the glimmer in his eyes, a ghost of a smile. You bite your lip. Words are important here. Words are contracts and wishes and pitfalls all in one. “No, wait. I mean. Take me with you.”

He dips low then, taking your hand and pressing it with a gentle kiss. Someone in the crowd lets out a saccharine sigh.

“Whatever you desire.”

When his lips meet your skin, the ballroom collapses and inverts and you wake up in your bed with a slamming force that has you sitting so quickly that your head swims. You reach out and grasp the headboard and wait for the world to stop falling, wait for the pain of gowns and glass slippers to stop sweeping through your bones.

When you stand, slowly and gently, a discarded peach rolls onto the floor.

Your stomach curls when you remember biting into it. What can you do, when you’re locked up in your room with nothing to eat but what shows up on a golden tray in the morning? You’re stubborn and disobey him, and he locks you up in a room. In your room, you can only eat what he sends you. And he sends a peach, so you must eat.

And his peach sends you to the worlds of your dreams, worlds of ballgowns and princesses, glitter and lace, soft music and oh-so-much-prettiness. You scoff at the you that you used to be. The you that accepted the invitation into the labyrinth and in the end, capsized under the temptation of fantasy being reality. Of being his queen.

Though it’s hard to feel like any queen, even the queen of goblins and labyrinths and bogs of eternal stench, locked in your room, still dizzy from a peach.

When the door opens, he’s wearing something new. A costume change, because as long as you’ve known him (how long? He refuses to say, and time of course, no longer has meaning) he can never resist wearing something new.

It’s a gold suit this time, glimmering and shining. The gold glitter above his eyes seems to dance as his hands open and a large golden gown drops onto your bed. You look down at it and your heart aches. How you would have loved such a gown, before. How you do still love it, and you can’t hide the way your fingers slide over the fabric, earning a pleased chuckle from Jareth.

“What’s the occasion?” You murmur, fingering the delicate golden lace at the fringe of the sleeves.

He lifts you up and tugs at your night gown, and you obediently raise your hands this time as he undresses you. Layers and layers first, then the shimmering gown. He pulls matching shoes out of nowhere and you slip them on, sighing a bit when they’re comfortable and soft and not made out of glass.

“I’ve ordered our subjects to put on a performance.” He smiles, and if it’s not a nice smile, you push the bitterness down. “To celebrate the return of their queen.”

You allow him to take you by the arm, and you keep your eyes straight ahead this time. The door shuts behind you and you refuse to look back at the padlock.

“I trust you will behave,” he tells you, not stopping in your progress down the hall.

You nod and grip his arm tighter. At least he’s real. At least he speaks to you. At least you’re in the castle.

Tonight, you hope, his bed chamber won’t smell like peaches.